I was raised to address strangers and those I wish to show social deference to as “Sir” or “Ma’am”. It’s a difficult habit to break, as it is deeply engrained.
What is an equivalent gender neutral honorific that is relatively common in English? If I can’t break the habit I’d rather have a substitute word to use instead of an awkward pause in the middle of addressing someone
I’d just use Google to ask but I’d rather ask the people directly rather than an AI generated answer based off of Reddit threads
just don’t use any honorifics.
problem solved.
I work in 911 dispatch, understandably once in a while I get a caller who is just absolutely losing their mind over whatever is going on that they’re calling about
And sometimes pretty much the only thing I can do to grab my callers attention and bring them back around to listening to me is to just kind of repeat sir/ma’am until I get their attention they come back around to realizing I’m trying to talk to them.
If I can get their name, I use that instead and it’s more effective, but that’s not always a given.
Just sitting there in silence until they get their shit together on their own doesn’t work, and more likely they’re going to just hang up on me.
And repeating whatever question I need answered really just kind of goes in one ear and out the other while they continue going off.
Their name or sir/ma’am is punchier, it has a way of cutting through their panic and grabbing their attention saying “you are being addressed right now and the person addressing you needs your attention”
And I really wish we had a good, gender-neutral equivalent of that. It needs to be polite and professional, and maybe a bit authoritative-sounding, so something like “dude” obviously won’t cut it.
And I need it both for trans/non-binary people, and people whose gender just isn’t clear on the phone because they’re in a panic, calling from a potato, and/or just have a somewhat ambiguous voice.
Normally I just have to pick one and go with it, and they’ll either correct me (in some cases, choosing the wrong one might actually be more effective at grabbing their attention because astonishingly (/s) people don’t enjoy being misgendered and they jump at the opportunity to correct that) or they also just roll with it.
But I’d really like to avoid that if I can, and I haven’t really found a good option for it yet.
Have you tried a dolphin impersonation? I think that’s gender neutral.
“EEK EEK EEK EEK EEK”
If we’re going non-English, I’d prefer to address people like Death of Rats
Honorifics are part of my culture and tradition. I’ve let go of a lot of other things from my culture that interfere with loving my neighbor, but there’s certain social mores I don’t want to abandon. Honorifics are a way of showing respect to others in my culture, it is as ingrained as taking off one’s hat and standing for a funeral procession.
Korean is easier, just call everyone Teacher. Problem solved.
the word you mean (선생님) is quite different from ‘teacher’ tho, can’t think of an english equivalent of that word…
Could… could it be summed up… like considering cultural context, including historical respect for certain vocations, and Confucian influences in earlier centuries, as a word like, I don’t know, Teacher?
I kid I kid, i get what you’re saying, but teacher is generally accepted as the English translation for 선생님 to the best of my knowledge. Granted, I haven’t studied the language for almost 20 years but I think that’s still the case, yes?
Also, and genuinely curious here, what is used for “teacher” in a school setting? Like I can see a little kid saying 제 선생님은 재미있서 because of how 선생님 is used. But if a teenager said their teacher sucks what word would they use?
honestly i’m not sure lol
you’re right but that’s mostly in the context of students referring to their teachers, i had the impression it’s quite different from the way it gets used as a second person pronoun or as a way of showing respect to someone.
선생님 is the primary way of refering to teachers, but if one’s being rude they might as well say “선생” (without the “님”) or their name, nickname, etc…
english isn’t my primary language so i’m not sure if my comment makes sense lol
Oh yeah, dropping the 님 makes total sense, I just didn’t know if there was another word used besides “선생” for teacher in a general sense.
Don’t worry about your English, it’s better than mine and I’m a native speaker and occasional pedant. Your comment absolutely makes sense.
I’d low key support using teacher. You could pull it off. If everyone can be “my friend,” which is used, they can be teacher. Sends a nice mssg. Even if they are not my friend, they can be my teacher
I’m gonna use Professor if I want something more formal than Chief
Curious about your culture, in the North American anglosphere at least Professor has some negative/sarcastic connotations if you’re not actually a professor (essentially suggesting someone is a dumbass). Just be careful with that one.
Thank you, that is a valid concern.
It’s all about tone. I’m most concerned about in-person interactions, and tone and intent is easier to convey in that type of encounter. I used to be a very sarcastic PoS, so I’m pretty aware of how to use words and tone The result is I’m pretty good at conveying earnestness and empathy. My challenge is that my speech patterns for polite formal are heavily engrained, so I’m looking for substitutes that flow with my existing speech patterns.
Also this has been a fascinating discussion and I’m loving all of the responses and suggestions, including yours. Thank you for contributing :-)
that sucks.
Check their question again. It’s pretty ingrained in some dialects