I don’t know what kind of vibe I’m giving off, but I always seem to get the “Deepstate, amiright?!” drivers. Okay, that’s a lie… I do know my vibe… I live in a Texas suburb and I’m a cishet white guy who wears cargo shorts and dadcaps and likes sports.

I hate it, but still, this person is taking me somewhere I need to be so I want to be nice, but I can’t quite bring myself to pretend to agree. Unfortunately, a polite “Oh, I’m not sure I’m sold on that” just gets them helpfully trying to probe, “so why would Kamala do a pizzagate if she weren’t a lizard person?”

Fuck me, I need some tattoos.

Just need to spice up the conversation.

Me: “so what is your stance: knotted canine cocks, or barbed felines? Because for me I love a big bulbous knot, but a big kitty that knows how to work it can make me leave claw marks on the bed frame”

Driver: accelerating at full-throttle to make this trip end as fast as possible

Me: “but the sweet spot is hybrids, I mean why settle for one when you can have both, y’know?”

Driver: bails out of the car

Me: “hehehe, works every time”