What I mean is, how do you deal with the logical conclusion that no one can ever truly be relied on and that you can always find yourself alone with no support?

Or do you disagree with this conclusion and think that some people can be relied on and that you can know that you won’t end up alone?

And if you are alone, how do you deal with the inherent human yearn for others when you know that you can never truly rely on them?

Edit: To clarify, I am talking about personal relationships and not about professional or paid help.

  • Cypher@aussie.zone
    93·
    2 days ago

    The first step is to understand that all relationships are transactional. Not a single human relationship is unconditional.

    You start by making yourself useful, pleasant and interesting to be around and people who understand and accept the “deal” will reciprocate and most of them will be reliable.

    There are no guarantees so it’s also a little bit of a numbers game. More is better to a point… usually about a dozen close relationships is optimal.

    It’s just a closer and more intimate version of the broader social contract. Break it and suffer. Maintain it, nurture it, and benefit.

    Learn what you can, and are expected, to bring to a relationship (be it romantic or otherwise) and work on improving what you offer.

    All human relationships and communities since the beginning of time have relied on this transactional nature of relationships.

    Anyone who says otherwise is blindly naive or misunderstanding what any given individual can bring to a relationship.

    • starlinguk@lemmy.world
      2·
      2 days ago

      How is my wife looking after me for the past 6 years because I can barely do anything myself anymore (thanks to Covid) “transactional”? She’s the one who earns the money, by the way.

      • Cypher@aussie.zone
        2·
        2 days ago

        I would need a lot more deeply personal information on your relationship and history to answer that for you.

        If you genuinely consider what you have previously brought to the relationship and what you’re bringing today I’m sure you’ll find some answers.

    • agent_nycto@lemmy.world
      31·
      2 days ago

      Sounds like capitalist propaganda. I’m not sure what your childhood was like but parental love isn’t really transactional, and if it was for you then I feel really sorry for you.

      • Cypher@aussie.zone
        11·
        2 days ago

        I knew someone would bring up children to try and debunk that all relationships are transactional but this is actually extremely simple.

        A child’s role is to grow, develop and learn from their parents and society. Very easy on their part as it’s basically all automatic for them.

        A parent’s role is to protect, provide, nurture and support their child. All easy stuff to understand.

        If a parent fails they will be judged extremely harshly by society and end up with a child that has behavioural problems.

        Historically the driving desire to have lots of children was so that some would survive and be able to provide for you in your old age. Still somewhat relevant but far less so than historically.

        Turns out pre-modern agriculture the work required to survive was hard on the body and basically doomed the elderly who didn’t have a younger generation to provide for them. So not a problem resulting from capitalism as it was different but present under feudal and tribal societies.

        We’ve seen what happens when parents fail, such as a child having an extremely abusive and controlling mother is a strong predictor of psychopathy. Basically all the worst serial killers you’ve ever heard about had abusive mothers.

        The only way for children to fail on their end of the transaction really is to die or be severely disabled. When they’re closer to being adults that dynamic changes and some people, both child and parent, have great difficulty ‘renegotiating’ the relationship.

        Having children with severe disabilities is devastating and I won’t go into that right now as it’s a massive topic by itself.

        Oh and I had a pretty good childhood and am on good terms with my parents but thanks for taking a pity swipe at me lol

        • agent_nycto@lemmy.world
          1·
          2 days ago

          Weird, because raising a child, or a child helping a parent, doesn’t really strike me as a transaction. Helping people out isn’t really transactional. None of what you described seemed as a transaction.

          • Cypher@aussie.zone
            01·
            2 days ago

            Social transactions aren’t the same as monetary transactions. I don’t know what you expected.

            Studies on altruism are very interesting but almost no relationships are based purely on altruism from what I understand.

            From a biological or evolutionary perspective, altruism is a behaviour that decreases the fitness or genetic contribution of one individual while increasing the fitness of another.

            https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5456281/

            • agent_nycto@lemmy.world
              1·
              1 day ago

              Did… Did your even read the article you posted?

              In humans, there is evidence that infants exhibit altruistic behavior beginning at a young age. For example, infants as young as 14–18 months of age assist others in obtaining out-of-reach objects and help to open cabinets for others.7 Infants engage in these behaviors without reward or encouragement from an adult and expectedly without knowledge of concepts such as reciprocation and reputation.

              Previous behavioral research suggests that humans willingly interact with strangers in ways that are beneficial to others, even when it is not in their own best interest.8 Additionally, humans have been reported to continue to engage in altruistic behaviors even in situations when there will be no future interaction.9 Fehr and Fischbacher3 suggest that if two strangers are allowed to engage in repeated anonymous monetary exchanges in the laboratory, there exists a high probability that altruistic behavior will spontaneously emerge. Therefore, these findings propose that there appears to be a natural tendency for humans to exhibit altruistic behaviors.

              Literally parenting a child is altruistic in nature. Sometimes, as defined by the article, reciprocal.

              Reciprocity, which is similar to altruism in that the action may be harmful to the self and beneficial to another, involves the expectation that the other person will act similarly in a subsequent interaction.

              Your perspective is twisted, you need to go out and touch grass and interact with people in person if you think everything is transactional.