Quokka and Capybara, hands down.

I’m biased, I just sorta… Like all animals. All of them. So this reply is just my mood for today:

Mammal: Raccoon. The grabby hands, the masks, they’re just cool little guys

Bird: Crows. Clever and playful caw caw boys. Capable of incredible feats of animal intelligence.

Reptile: Tegu. The cats of the lizard world.

Amphibian: Poison dart frogs. Danger bois. Don’t touch. But they look so cool.

Fish: fish are not valid

Crustacean: Coconut crabs! They are big and cool.

Insect: Ants. Eusocial insects are really cool.

Mollusk: those really big snails that look like slime bunnies

Worm: Leeches. They’re cool to look at.

Arachnid: Jumping spider. They are smols.

The thing with this is animals that can be pets are realistically going to be at the top and maybe tasty ones. I mean if you talking if only two animals only existed on the planet or something. But if you take that out. mmmm I mean I think about the air and the ocean and all the experience they hold. Bats are so beneficial but that feels a bit like the pet and food thing. Utilitarian. If its cool factor. Maybe dolphin and osprey.

Cats. Big and small. They’re just too awesome to need explaining.

Capybara

Overall? Dogs.

They’re the most perfect animal for companions. They’ve evolved and been bred to work with us, read us, and be as close to part of human life as possible. Nothing else on this planet is as in sync with us, to the degree that you have to go out of your way to make a dog hate you. Anyone wanting to whine about why they don’t like dogs, or be snide, expect to be ridiculed and insulted. Just a warning.

But that’s not the answer you likely want.

Tigers. Tigers are majestic as fuck. Beautiful, interesting, alien, massive animals. They’re what you would expect to see in the dictionary beside “predator”.

You ever play any of those games where a bunch of idiots are sitting around asking increasingly dumb “what if” questions until someone passes out? One that always seems to come up is “what animal would you fuck if you had to?”

My answer is always “tigers”. And it’s plural. Why plural? Because once you do it once and survive, why would you stop?

Why tigers? Tigers are majestic as fuck. Beautiful, interesting, alien, massive animals. They’re what you would expect to see in the dictionary beside “predator”.

We have a tautology here.

I’m also absurdly fond of chickens now.

I do not, and would not, fuck a chicken.

However, they are endlessly entertaining, and you can eat some of the things that come out of them. That alone is worth some affection.

But then they make noises. Trills and bawks and growls and clucks and little content beak clacks while they nestle into your side as they get ready to nap

They will also rip food not only from your hands, but your mouth if you aren’t careful.

They are dinosaurs you can give offerings to. And you must bring offerings to our dino-chicken overlords, lest they deem you unworthy. Biscuits are preferred, but they will accept almost anything until they find a favorite. Once they find a favorite, you will be scolded if you offer anything else. They will still eat the less preferred offerings, but they will do it with contempt.

Also, no touch. No touch, only look. Touch gets pecks. No touch, only biscuits.

Chickens are apex predators too small to be the apex of anything but a yard. But within that yard, they are as gods!

Unless you have a weedeater, in which case, they will wait in the shrubbery, thank you very much. Weedeaters are straight out.

Absolutely deadly and beautiful creatures, chickens.

Ducks. Masters of land, air, and water. Good ol’ duck, nothing beats that

Bunnies!

Okapi. They’re unusual and they look cool.

Wolverine. They are like a giant mean badger (!!!).

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t promote the superb Owl!

Stealth

Great Eye Sight

Many have 3D hearing to “see” under leaves or snow

Near silent flight

Can rotate their head 270 degrees

Tremendously strong grip strength

Beautiful and effective camo for any environment

Have settled almost everywhere on Earth but Antarctica (so far!)

Great facial expressions

Diverse vocalizations

They can control positioning of individual feathers to either thermoregulate or to change the focus of their hearing.

Their eyes dilate individually to maintain peak vision when one eye is in a shadow, but the other in the sun.

Have a third eyelid to protect those special peepers while fighting, eating, or from dryness and abrasion in flight.

And I’m sure I forgot a few things, but that’s a good start to the amazing world of owls!

Goats. Can be potty trained, learn tricks, give milk and you can cuddle them.

Elephants!!! They have a beautiful family structure that looks out for one another. They grieve for their dead. Genuinely able to feel and relay emotions through actions and vocal intonations. Their trunk is such a neat and unique appendage. Generally are gentle giants as long as they aren’t being threatened.

As a fox/hyena therian, it’s foxes and hyenas. Shocker, I know. I identify with their behaviour, which is a whole thing that’s too hard to put into words–they’re just so me.