Just to watch confused looks on customers faces.
“Our soup of the day is Chunky chicken noodle. Be careful. It’s very hot, and also very wet. You won’t be able to use a fork and knife on this soup. You’ll need a spoon for sure! Did you bring your favorite spoon? No? I’ll get you a spoon. It is a very basic spoon. Just made of metal. No gps navigation on this one though I’m afraid. You will have to navigate to your mouth manually.”
And just watch as their faces try to hold a poker face of normality. They don’t want to be rude, but also, this waiter is insane.
Today’s soup is liquid
Damn, I wanted a suspension of fine particulate solids in a liquid.
Tomorrow’s soup is an ancient cloud of ambient consternation with a hint of mint
And then the soup of the day is a gazpacho…
I would just think you’re trying to be funny. If you keep a deadpan face, you might succeed.
Yeah I’d just laugh like oh, this is clearly hilarious. Unambiguous. You would have to be way subtler to make me think my waiter had become dangerously unglued.
The key is to really make it sound like you’re telling a story, offhand jokes aren’t normally formatted like that.
"Be careful, a table accidentally lost their forks in the chicken, and I really used to like them… "
Do not give any details because in your mind it’s self explanatory what you mean. If they ask how that happened, that’s when you respond: “turns out soup is hot and wet.”
Exactly. You gesture at a truth that is out of reach, build and release tension in rising waves, foster an ambiguous apprehension of threat.
Horror is put to much rubbish by the fine arts, but crafting a real sense of horror is an exceedingly subtle art.
How is your shower, though?
OP had a hot wet shower.
Pinned in the gps.
What is the soup du jour?
“It’s the soup of the day.”
Mmm, that sounds good. I’ll have that.
But I have to warn you. It’s SO wet!
What is the soup of the day?
“Soup du jour”
Mmm, that sounds good.
This is an actual exchange I had.
Do people actually do that? Ask the waiter how the soup is? Because what answer do they expect? “It’s shit”?
I was a grumpy waitress for a year. I was bluntly honest when particularly grumpy.
Customer: What do you recommend?
Grumpy waitress: I dunno, I don’t eat any of this shit. Do you think I’d look this good if I ate shit like this? But everyone who eats here loves everything we serve. It’s all good for those who like this type of food.
Dude worked at McDonald’s Steak House.
It’s spicy, salty, heavy on a particular ingredient, anything that might be off-putting to some.
Oooh okay, that makes sense. Thank you, I’ve been wondering :)
beckon closer with two fingers
whisper “Are you okay?”
Are you? Is anyone?
No? But I feel like I’m getting there. One day at a time.
Happy to hear it.
It would probably be a subscription service
You don’t buy soup. You hire it.
I rent
Love when you post stuff like this
Relevant sketch: https://youtu.be/X-7CaIA4ilE
Sometimes it’s fun to give people a story to tell later. Keep on weirding!
