I just don’t feel feminine, аlthough I have long hair, I use makeup and I can’t be called tomboy, but I think calling me a woman sounds ridiculous, I’m not sure why, has anyone dealt with this?
Not sure if it’s relevant to why you feel ridiculous, but feeling like you don’t qualify as what you are is common I think.
In my 20s I felt like a 7 year old boy dressed up in a suit and grandma pinching my cheek and going “well who is this handsome man?”.
Being called a woman isn’t something you “deserve”, it’s just a gender assignment that means nothing.
Just do your own thing, if you don’t feel like the label fits you, you don’t need it anyway.
Don’t follow the “gender assignment” trend. If OP is female and shes’s cis, she’s a woman. People can’t assign you the gender “woman”, you define the kind of woman you are.
How do you account for nonbinary people with female bits?
Doesn’t “cis” exclude that identity?
A woman doesn’t have to be feminine, there are plenty of masc and butch women. Would you feel more comfortable with short hair? There are also other options. Would you feel more comfortable thinking of yourself as a man (men can also be feminine or masculine), or neither, or both?
I didn’t feel comfortable calling myself a woman, but not crossing any gender boundary, I just always preferred “girl”. I didn’t feel mature enough to be a woman until I kinda forced myself to claim that title. With enough use I now feel comfortable referring to myself as a woman.
Titles and gender can be hard. You are allowed to experiment until you find the expression and terminology that suits you. But also, its okay to feel ridiculous, you can grow into feeling comfortable with whichever terminology you want.
I was the same, but with being a man. Until I realised that true masculinity isn’t being about strong and muscle-y or being a womaniser, but by being protective and responsible and dependable. Having integrity and humility and serving people.
I have never tried to be feminine, and believe strongly that “womanly” is the sum total of what women are and do, we define it every day by being ourselves. “Feminine” to me is the things people would do to impersonate a woman, if an alien came to earth, for example, and was performing to try to be like a woman - the outward behaviors and paint and hair and all.
So no, and I think it’s nothing to fret over. I want to be myself and help define what womanhood is, not chase after some stereotype. I’ve never felt particularly feminine, but do feel very attached to being female bodied, enjoyed being pregnant, nursing, love having sex as a woman. Just don’t see any point to stereotypical “femininity” or “masculinity” those are unnecessary, and actively harmful in some cases.
This is like saying you don’t deserve to be called a red head. It’s not something you earn, it’s just something you are. Don’t overthink it
Obviously you get to choose your labels, but theres absolutely nothing wrong with being a tomboy and it certainly doesnt invalidate your identity, unless you feel it does. Some of the women i know and like the most are tomboys. I certainly dont view them as any less of a woman, although quite frankly i dont spend time thinking about peoples genders either.
Just do you! Being proud of who you are is great, but if you dont like who you are there are always options to change. If you had to describe how you want to be viewed, how would you go about it?
I’m just gonna come out and say what other people seem to be dancing around. These are things that a trans man would say. Not saying that’s necessarily the case for you but like it’s probably worth trying to find someone affirming and professional to discuss dysphoria with.
Or:
- a gender-non-conforming woman
- an enby
- someone who’s gender fluid
- some flavor of neurodivergence, BPD, or any other issue associated with an ambivalent sense of self, overestimating how much one should feel like “x” in order to “deserve to be called x”
- a person in the process of discovering their own gender identity
So let’s not jump to conclusion. There are many options and being a trans man is just one of them - and one we should never hastily impose on anyone.
Personally I grew up being taught by a bunch of older 2nd wave feminists, so the messaging I received was a lot of “A woman is anything she wants to be.” Cue picture of Rosie the Riveter repairing a truck or something. I wonder if you maybe didn’t have the best relationships with the women around you growing up? Because personally, I’ve just always felt more comfortable with women. When I was a kid, women were more inclusive with me and easier to talk with, and I think the moments where women segregated from men, where it was just me and a group of grandmas in the kitchen or something, were really formative for the development of my feminine identity.
Do you know of !womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone ?
Don’t mean to imply that your post, or any women/gender-centric post, is not welcome here, I certainly think it is, but also posting over there might help you reach more women and further help you get the answers you are looking for.
As someone who relates a lot to the feeling OP is describing, I actually blocked that community. Feeling uncomfortable with the label “woman” and the baggage it comes with, a place that’s labeled “for women only!” is one of the few things I’ve encountered that made me sympathise with what actual gender dysphoria must feel like.
Lol, I’m male but I don’t even feel “masculine”, whatever that’s supposed to mean.
My parents always tells me: “男子漢大丈夫，流血不流淚” (translates to “Real men would rather bleed before crying” or something like that) and I just fuckint cringe.
Like do they want me to die in a battlefield or something lmao
I just cried a lot when I just arrived in the US as a child. Cuz I got bullied a lot…
And my parents were abusive to me… and then they wonder why their child cries a lot…
But I also cry when I see the news and all the sad things that happen in the world.
Like… fuck “gender stereotypes”. The world is the way is it because we have men that want to act so tough and “masculine” and completely throw out their empathy and morals.
Lmao my mom used to say real men don’t cry.
One day as a teen I was angry and tearing up and she said that, so I just screamed at her “I’VE SEEN DAD AND GRANDPA BOTH CRY SO SHUT THE FUCK UP” And honestly I think she realized she was wrong at least about that, because she has never said it since even to my sister’s kids, and I didn’t even get in trouble for swearing at her.
Cry away, fellow human. Disregard those who cannot allow themselves to feel emotions for fear of seeming “less than”.
