Cuz my mom wants to “talk to me” and idk what about
My dad’s health (he’s very sick), news from my half-brother i don’t talk to, news from my job search, news from my daughter… just general catching up mostly (and showing them I’m still sober)
I talk to my Dad about once a week or so for maybe 20 or 30 mins. Usually just “How’s it going?” kind of small talk. Work. Health issues. Sometimes about food or hobbies. Commiserating about politics. Updates about relatives moving/getting jobs/etc. Things like that. Helps us both stay sane in this crazy world.
Once a month or so, I talk to my uncle. He’s more chatty, so those calls go on for longer. He likes to tell me bits of family lore, about his interests in detail, about food and his pet and what’s going on with his friends and neighbors – like trips he’s taken with them to go out shopping and such.
My other relatives don’t talk to me very often, so those are more of life catch-up talks every couple months/years or conversations about specific things that I have skills in that they’d like help learning.
Maybe try asking your mom what’s on her mind lately – other than you – and take it from there? Most people love to talk about themselves if given a chance. Ask questions about what she says and try to find a topic of mutual interest.
Politics/news and how’s work mostly.
Literally the things that are important to you. What do you talk about with friends? Most of those topics are a good start.
I don’t talk to my Mom or Dad any more.
Never will again.Her last 2 years of life, Mom stroked out and couldn’t talk write or type.
Anything you want to say – SAY IT NOW
^ This. You never know when disaster will strike. Even if you think they won’t be receptive, well you won’t have the regret of not giving it a fair shot.
I get coffee with my mom once or twice a month. Usually we just swap stories about our jobs, home life, what her next vacation is going to be (61 so shes been doing 2 or 3 vacation type trips a year), what we’ve been cooking lately, what we plan to cook next, how my animals are, try to convince her to get a dog/cat again, how my girl is, if we’ve read/watched anything mutually interesting lately, what my sister is up to, our mutual disdain for my father, her latest volunteer/community project not attached to her job (big wig social worker), sometimes I try to explain niche internet thing and since we agree on most things politically we talk about current events.
Bookmarked and commenting so I don’t forget to check back for wiser people’s answers because, uh, a… friend has the same problem.
With dad: mundane stuff, like the whether and such.
With mom: geopolitical, philosophical and historic analysis about current events… And mundane stuff too.
The thing is, my mom is an Historian with a PhD, while my dad worked for an oil company. Also, I hanged out with my mom more while growing up cuz dad had to work in others states for weeks, so I couldn’t see him much.
Regardless, I enjoy talking with both of them. Mostly cuz I don’t make much of it, I don’t try to be smart, clever or anything. I just speak my mind out with naturality, depending on how my relationship with the person I’m talking to is.
We don’t usually talk. We just sit together in silence.
Well, first off, “talk to me” is different than “talk with me”. Like, if I’ve done something wrong, or something is changing, or whatever, that’s a “talk to me” talk. That’s a power dynamic talk, something I’ll have little control over: we’re moving, you need to keep up with your share of the housework, whatever.
“Talk with me” talks are just like social things, keeping in touch with each other, how you’re doing, what you’re up to, etc. We share back and forth whatever’s on our minds - this project or problem at work, what trips or events I’ve been to recently or are planning on going to, what I’ve been reading/watching and what those things made me think/feel and whether she might enjoy it, news articles or information I’ve run across that she might be interested in or need to know, thoughts and feelings about current events, maybe a concern or an accomplishment about a friend, etc.
Idk… she says “同我傾偈” I think its more like “have a chat with me” because she think I’m “becoming autistic” because in her view, I’m just socially isolated and never talks to anyone… but the issue is, I stuggle with speaking Cantonese and she doesn’t understand English if I actually have a deep conversation. So… yea… my parent’s had a child that used to be Chinese, now has practically became a foreigner to her. Like language barrier is so weird… like sometimes a family is partially assimulated to the new country, then family kinda falls apart because of cultural conflicts within the family.
Everyone in my house uses Chinese as their device system language, I am the only one that uses English as my device system language… so yea they set their printer in Chinese and like… before we had money for individual devices, we used to share a laptop and iPad and its in Chinese, and it sort of hurts my brain a bit… I mean I could read it, but its very uncomfortable to read Chinese.
I dont think children of immigrant can really form a deep connection with their parents… especially as they grow older…
So yea… conversations… its like talking to strangers sort of…
I read stuff in English, since its where I have the best conprehension, then I try to talk to parents about it and its like: um…
So I talk like a 2nd grader in Cantonese.
With my dad: work, politics, investments, renovations
With my mum: trauma
Usually it’s intense debates over who the prettiest kitty is. Invariably we always conclude that it’s her, that she is in fact the prettiest kitty.
Everything!
As a Hongkonger, we have a concept called “living with your parents” that westerners may not understand. ;)
Our conversations can range from where we’re going for lunch to what to do with my parents after they die.
