My test has two critical dealbreakers to them.
One is kids. If someone tells me that they don’t want kids now but later? Nope, they failed automatically.
Another is when they tell me that they’re on the fence on deciding on kids, then that to me is a no too because I am someone who does not want kids and never wanted kids. It has to be a hard no, there’s no being technical or indecisive about it.
Another one is, is whether they can accept the lifestyle I’m living. Where, I live on the average lane in life, I don’t want things too hard and I don’t want things too easy either. I’m not ambitious enough to upset my comfortable way of living and reaching for imaginary brass rings in careers. I’m not entirely a deadbeat, I just try and make things work with whats infront of me and I have a particular pace in how I go about life.
I’ve had people where they’ve passed the kid test but I know for a fact that when I describe the life I’m living and how I’m living it and that I’m okay with it. That’s when I expect there to be people dropping off like flies. Because people normally are always looking for someone with great careers, busy enough to be earning lots of money, traveling constantly and indulging on many fantasies.
And I’m just not that type. This is probably the crucial crux as to why I don’t see myself getting dates or even in another relationship anytime soon.
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If they say “I don’t care about politics”
Not a test, but a marker of character.
How do they treat “the help”? Do they greet the waitress? Do they tip? How they treat other people indicates how they will treat you.
Mostly agreed on this. Tipping is just a weird cultural / historical quirk though
Yes, obviously, tipping where it’s a cultural norm. 😉
Yeah, I just wanted a cheap dig at tipping. I don’t enjoy watching people dancing for me in the hope they get a liveable wage out of it. I’m glad to no longer be living in a place where it is the norm
Thinking tipping is a good thing might be a (minor) red flag for me actually since there isn’t much too it besides giving the customer an amount of control over another human (and moving who is responsible for wages away from the business)
OTOH - failing to tip in a culture where it is the norm and servers do depend on them, withholding tips is problematic. It all depends on how your date treats them.
“What are you looking for in a relationship/partner” and “how do you feel about having children” are, like, the top two questions people (should) want to know on a first date. Framing them as “tests” rather than “basic stuff the people need to agree on for a relationship to work” is rather gross.
I’d add general lifestyle/attitude towards money and saving, and political engagement in the “may get arrested for civil disobedience for a cause” sense.
I’m not sure either of those are first date material. 3rd or 4th sure, but 1st is just like “Are you a complete asshole or not, do we share any interests”
Fair. Different cultures, expectations, personal communication styles, degrees of bluntness.
Putting other people up to random ‘tests’ that they don’t know about, that seems like a bad system. Though your specific example about kids is clearly an important thing to be worried about.
Disclaimer: I’m in my early 20s and have had 1 relationship that ended last year, lasting about 2 or 3 years and she was the one who asked me out
100% agree, I feel like you could make a case for fishing out red flags like if your partner will respect you on a first date or more extreme cases safety (feel like that’s cause for no second date tho) like maybe yeah. But tests, no. Bigger no if it’s in an established relationship as it shows there’s a huge amount of distrust
I am super burnt out rn from my day so I hope there’s a coherent thought in there somewhere
Testing is important because it’s not a great feeling to be trying out with someone who turns out to be an incredible waste of time and effort.
Testing is a 1-way communication style. The most important foundation to a relationship is communication. “Testing” undermines that and is a red flag on date 1. Now, having a conversation and talking about things is something else.
Fucking woof my guy.
Oh cool, another dog on the platform. Woof to you too.
I always check their fingernails with a UV pen-light. It just seems like the right thing to do. You never know.
I’m assuming the downvotes are because you said tests, rather than “red flags”. Agreeing early that you are incompatible due to wanting/not wanting kids is completely healthy and will save couples much unnecessary time and pain down the road…
Or maybe the parents that refuse to accept any other lifestyle just think you should procreate whether you want to or not…
If they are on a date with me the only thing being tested is their patience.
There’s only one test that ever mattered but modern tech made it outdated:
https://youtu.be/4df17uZyMs8?t=119
The principle is the same tho, just in general that little things are done by both parties to make it easier on the partner.
If a guy took the time to open a manual locked car door for his date to let her in first, and she didn’t take the two seconds to open his door, it may not be a reciprocal thing.
But the downvotes are because “test” indicates pass/fail. People get nervous around people they like and they may act stupid or insensitive just because you’re distracting them.
Green/red flags are better. Most shit is at most a caution.
