And does the SF ever go away?
It’s a little odd calling them a “mate” in this context. There’s nothing wrong with masterbation. If you think porn is had and don’t wanna watch it, that’s fine, but genuinely there is absolutely nothing wrong with masterbation. I think a lot of people talk folks’ negative feelings about porn and twist them into negative feelings about self pleasure and try to get people to believe that living some “pure” life where you don’t touch yourself is inherently better than the alternative or something. It’s really not.
Sex is a big part of life. There’s no reason you can’t do it alone. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t do it alone. Go enjoy yourself. Have some me time. It’s not something to feel guilty about.
Tell that to the religious that are being taught every day that they’ll go to hell for touching their peepee because God always watches them, always judges them
I’d be happy to. I believe they’re being lied to. I was brought up in that same puritanical culture. Leaving the church and religion were the most freeing things of my life.
But even apart from that, if you believe that lust is a sin and/or that pornography is morally wrong, you can still masterbate without that being a part of it. That’s sort of what I was trying to get at without being so direct, as I don’t know if OP is religious or what their beliefs are. Too many people think that looking at porn and masturbating are the same thing. You can look at porn without touching yourself. You can touch yourself without looking at porn. You can even touch yourself without imagining yourself having sex with someone. I have male body parts, and generally “fap” implies male parts, so I sort of assume OP has the same parts as me. It is a very common experience, especially when younger, that any sort of physical stimulation down there results in an erection. If you get an erection because you crossed your legs in tight pants, did you lust? No. Of course not. If you get an erection because you intentionally touch yourself in a way you find pleasurable, have you lusted? I say no, and I feel pretty strongly about that. How is it different than running your shoulders to give yourself some relief if your tense? It’s another physical stimulation that feels good.
I did it for a little over a month once just to see what it was like. There weren’t really any effects beyond just being horny all the time. It was basically like being a teenager in high school again. Other than that nothing changed. I didn’t experience any of the benefits you see people talking about. I probably had more trouble focusing on work but that’s hard to tell because that’s always been a problem.
Personally I find being horny incredibly distracting. It’s so hard to focus on anything and makes interacting with people you could theoretically “mate” with much more difficult because my mind is constantly preoccupied with “would. I wonder if they’d be interested.” Really annoying.
the “benefits” are mostly people with addictions losing their executive disfunctions. re-realizing you can just…do things you want to do is powerful experience
Personally, I think “NoFap” is bro-science with little basis in anything even remotely factual.
As someone who was single (and a virgin, to apply a social construct) well into my 30s, I can totally relate to the emotional burden that loneliness, sexual frustration, social isolation, and all of the self-negative thoughts that come from feeling broken and unlovable. I get it, I really do!
To say that “it sucks” is an understatement, and I truly understand how feeling those kinds of feelings can make some “incel” guys lash out and be angry at themselves, women, or society at large. That’s not an attempt to excuse bad behavior, of course, but only to say that I understand the emotional context that too often breeds it.
I genuinely believe that loneliness really is an epidemic, for men and women alike, in both friendship and romance, and when you combine that with a modern political climate that seeks profit and power from fostering culture wars and driving wedges between regular people, it’s not hard to understand how we have become conditioned to hate ourselves and each other.
Undoubtedly, there is a serious problem with modern culture and proprietary app-driven socialization.
But here’s the key point: I really don’t think depriving yourself of sexual pleasure is going to make you less lonely, less isolated, less self-negative, or even more motivated to meet others.
Self-control can be a virtue, sure. There is certainly value in being able to resist instant gratification and controlling one’s urges…
But choosing to live a “life of NoFap” isn’t going to do anything to address the core reasons why you feel lonely or isolated in the first place. All you are really doing, in my view, is kicking yourself while you’re down–punishing yourself for being lonely, when you should instead be practicing self-care. You’re not addressing your problems, you’re adding to them.
Companionship, romance, and sex are different things, crucially. Ideally we would have them all, but you can have one without the others. So, with that in mind, why on Earth should a person deprive themselves of sexual pleasure just because they are lacking in romance or companionship?
The unspoken and unappreciated truth is that you don’t, and shouldn’t, need to be in a relationship to have a satisfying “sex life”. And likewise, people who aren’t in a relationship shouldn’t feel the need to deprive themselves of sexual pleasure due to some false idea that somehow being sexually frustrated will make you more motivated, attractive and likable.
If you really want to build relationships and have sex, start touching grass, getting to know people, and going out on dates. Shower, shave, wear clean clothes and deodorant, brush up on current events and take up some hobbies. Don’t just look for “girlfriends”, make friends and grow your social circle in general. If you have to ignore the superficial bullshit dating apps and meet people in other ways, then good, more power to you. But that’s really all it takes.
Sounds like a categorically terrible idea. Is there any ackshuall proof having 1 orgasm per day (regardless of the outlet or method) is harmful in any measurable/quantifiable way besides reducing desperation for sex?
Actually helps prevent prostate cancer in men
I sincerely dont and cant understand no-fap outside of an addiction 12-steps/abstinence style vantage point.
It’s extremely dumb
Like, i dont get how they (presumuably) view having an orgasm-via-penis-in-vagina everyday as truly and biologically distinct from everyday orgasm-via-masturbation. I dont think your body truly knows the difference in a mechanical sense.
Mechanical isn’t the only part being played. There’s hormones too. I’m positive there’s differences there depending on alone or with someone. Whether or not that has any health implications I’ve no idea.
You get it!
Idk I’m not a doctor but you sound right
Having never looked into it, beyond what I come across occasionally on sites like this, I always assumed the idea was that being desperate for “relief” somehow made them more attractive to women, hormonally, or made them more “alpha”? Somehow.
Really stupid shit that kids fall for, I guess.
being desperate for “relief” somehow made them more attractive to women
We all know that the thing women are most attracted to is desperation. /s
being desperate for “relief” somehow makes men more attractive to women, hormonally
It’s true!
I’ve also seen it recommended for breaking “death grip” habits.
Yeah it would basically be an anti addiction approach for me. Addiction runs in my family and we get addicted to everything remotely pleasurable. So I’ve spent my whole life saying no to alcohol & drugs & cigarettes, and since I cant find a suitable companion I have to say no to orgasms too 🤷🏼♀️ For me it feels empowering.
Well I’m a woman and I’ve talked to some men too who agree that when we masturbate it tends to make us turn socially inward & diminishes our drive to reach out to other people.
Whereas sexual frustration compels us to go out into the world with a sense of hunger & ambition, seeking social interaction & activities.
It’s the lifestyle I’ve chosen because after years of suffering all aspects of this mortal hell we call life, I’d rather feel paragraph 2 than paragraph 1.
Life is about balance. You dont want to be a reclusive masturbation addict, and you don’t want to be an anxious frustrated nofapper.
Yeah but every time I cum alone, it reinforces the alone-ness. I’m sick of self-perpetuating loneliness. Going out into the world with hunger & ambition & angst feels empowering right now.
You’re a woman who wants to “NoFap”?
I was just using a quick easy term that you’re all familiar with. Though Im pretty sure the word “fap” is an onomatopoeia for the rhythmic fleshy smacking noise of penis being furiously stroked in one’s own hand.
Then IMO follow what makes you feel right. In general just avoid taking things to extremes.
That same idea can get you into bad relationships. It’s better to find a partner with a level head.
This view seems, to me, to be really sex-focused in kind of a creepy way that … if you ask me, might have something to do with denying basic urges.
You can go out into the world looking for connections that are not sexual.
Without sexual release we’re a bit voracious & on edge but also at peak creativity & ambition; driving us to go out in the world and get shit done. Invent things. Create things. Meet new people with no ulterior motives, already living a wholesome life, and that’s how we can meet people the real way without our hands constantly down our own pants.
I’m a man so maybe it’s different but having tried both, that certainly isn’t the case for me. Without sexual release I just want to cum. It doesn’t inspire me to do anything else that won’t move me towards that goal. Maybe if masturbation were impossible it would be a different story but as it stands the only purpose being frustrated serves is to distract me from non-sexual tasks. Being lonely on the other hand does inspire me to go out and do things and maintain relationships but it’s not for sex. If I’m frustrated in that regard I’d rather just stay home and jerk off. That’s a sure thing rather than the incredibly low chance I’ll meet someone that wants to fuck me right away.
What evidence are you basing the idea that your drive comes from your libido? There are a lot of people out there with low or no libidos who have accomplished a ton.
Why are you focusing on libido as the source of creativity to the exclusion of a lot of other potential drivers?
This is what I am saying: the focus seems odd and creepy without lots of evidence for your reasoning.
It’s my own subjective experience. Masturbating is effortless immediate gratification that turns me into a reclusive hermit.
But every time I abstain for a month or so, I become a real person who participates in life & wants to connect with people.
The difference is undeniable.
Yes, you’re right. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel. Doesn’t make it exactly scientific though, even if it’s true.
I think maybe you should think through why you feel that way, though. Surely you could decide to go out and be social because you would like to make new friends or be entertained. You’re here, writing out your thoughts, so you’re able to reflect and decide on actions.
It would seem like the source of this unhealthy worldview probably isn’t the masturbation. But if nofap honestly (honestly) helps you, then knock yourself out.
I dont agree with that statement unless you’re chronically masturbating to hours a day gooner levels. I personally MUST get the poison out once a day whether thats with my girl or myself. That’s just how my body/mind works. As far as going out to participate in activities. I don’t see not getting a regular nut making you more likely to do a pottery class.
I just saw several posts the last 2 days of a study that showed that if you don’t cum enough, your sperm becomes a bunch of dumb dumbs. Yes, I used scientific lingo for that, I’m sorry.
I’d imagine this is how you turn yourself into a mass killer.
Qu’est-ce que c’est ?
Sorry I haven’t taken Latin since high school
Better run run run run run AWAYYYYY
“it is what it is”? (I don’t know latin.)
That isn’t what it is.
Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa
I know it’s not what you asked, OP, but NoFap is a purity cult. Cross reference the mods from r/nofap and you’ll find heavy correlation with religious sub’s.
Despite claims for helping porn/sex addicts, their intent is to get their foot in the door.
If you want to live a life of NoFap for reasons you decide for yourself, fine, but don’t so it to gain any of the benefits those twats claim.
Worst case scenario is you get prostate cancer.
My apologizing for not understanding that it’s a cult. All I know is what it means to me is “making a personal decision to refrain from masturbation because I feel energetically stronger when I save that energy for [whatever/whoever].”
You do you, if you feel energetically stronger, that’s almost certainly due to your personality.
Research has been done to discern whether athletes should refrain from sex before sports. The results showed that there was no meaningful performance difference is clarity, concentration, or energy levels.
And by the sounds of the olympics, good luck getting the athletes from around the world that you put in one place to stop finding other athletes attractive XD
If you’re making a decision for yourself, because you feel better for not doing something, where the alternative is to do it out of habit or some form of compulsion that makes you feel bad or like it’s a waste of energy, then you definitely don’t need strangers on the internet telling you anything about it (doubly so if it doesn’t hurt anyone.)
Using the term “NoFap” in the title is a bit like putting “AI” in there - it pretty much guarantees zero productive conversation in the comments and instead acts as a bug light for certain people to just chime in with their personal views on that one thing.
I don’t even bother writing a response to the actual question because I don’t want to spend the rest of the day defending views I don’t even hold.
Your balls will explode!
I’m a woman.
In that case, your balls probably won’t explode then.
You’ll grow balls and then they’ll explode!
That’s fatal.
Chesticles will explode
You ll just be alot more horny and you will have more sexual daydreams. The rest normalizes, but keep in mind sex is healthy for the body in general.
You’re asking a bunch of chronically online lemmy nerds what they think of masturbation. So if you’re looking for an impartial response then you’ve come to the wrong place.
🤣 You’re not wrong.
I don’t understand the idea of not fapping.
Balls = Blue
I’m amused by all the people here who don’t realize I’m a woman. I even made a new account in a new instance with a new username that is undeniably female. I thought surely people would finally stop calling me “dude” and “bro” and talking about my non-existent balls 🤣
I don’t think we have a term specifically for women that would equal “blue balls…” 🤔 We should, tho.
I’m in it, last relationship was 17 years or so ago
I mean it ain’t all bad. So long as you don’t mind the actual loneliness, the physical touch gets easy to forget.
But I dunno if I’d recommend this to anyone tbh
I’m a woman to start.
There’s two modes I’ve found myself in when not masturbating - I’m either purposefully staying aroused and denying an orgasm to heighten sexual tension and pleasure OR I’m not masturbating because life is busy for whatever reason and my libido diminishes over time.
So it depends. And I think everyone is a little different as well, so you might want to play with not masturbating to reduce sexual frustration to see if it works for you.
purposefully staying aroused and denying an orgasm to heighten sexual tension and pleasure
Honestly I think I’m in this camp! I have a strong feeling the best is yet to come and it’s not too far in the future, I look stunning in a bikini and I just bought three sparkly new ones and I live at the beach and so many beautiful people around here ✨
I can only guess anger, depression and extreme irritability. Especially in such a sexually charged culture.
