When I look at the kinds of articles people post on social media and the comments under them, it feels like there’s an overwhelming amount of hate and anger in the world - or at least among the people posting and commenting. (Maybe it’s just that non-angry people don’t spend much time in this kind of spaces.)
In contrast, when I think about my own life, I realize that I’m almost never angry. I feel many other negative emotions, sure, but anger isn’t one of them, and even when it arises it’s usually quite short-lived. I can’t even name a single person I hate - neither in my personal life nor in the media. I simply don’t spend time dwelling on people I’m not interested in or being angry at the world for not meeting my expectations.
This makes me wonder: is my experience rare or unusual? Or is hate and anger simply overrepresented in the media because those emotions motivate people to engage, making them seem far more widespread than they actually are?
I’m trying to understand rather than criticize. I can’t take credit for not being angry because whatever tha skill is doesn’t translate into other things like anxiety. I’m anxious about equally trivial things and I can’t help myself. I guess I’m just glad I don’t need to deal with this constant anger too.
I’ve been arguing for years that you cannot find world peace until everyone finds inner peace. There are many practices you can follow to quell that inner turmoil. I think most people aren’t even aware of how unbalanced and unsettled they are and instead blame external forces outside of their control. I feel like it has gotten worse in recent years. I have no idea how to steer others out of their inner chaos. Religion, mindfulness, music, pharmaceuticals, sex, the outdoors, sailing, stargazing, pottery wheels - there are many ways. Social media and TV do not usually help.
I read a really wise quote in The Trouble with Peace last night.
“If you get angry every time the Closed Council does something infuriating, you’ll spend your whole life angry.”
I like that it really shows that we need to exercise control over our emotions, and not let other people’s actions drive us to anger, even when their actions are infuriating. I highlighted it to remember it, so that I can use it in my own life.
I don’t live with anger nor hate. I understand logically that all the subjects that frustate me are not changeable because of human nature. Like Politics for example, it frustates me the way every politician is always a little corrupt (or a lot sometimes) for some subject, but I understand that it’s not only about that one person, it’s also about human nature to want money and power and there is no way to change it, unless we put an alien or an AI in charge.
I’m Autustic and don’t seem to have anger. “Frustrated” is similar, I got that one just fine, but anger doesn’t seem to come up. I don’t seem to have a bunch of them, though. So, I have definitely noticed the same thing. The internet is so full of anger, and it mostly just seems to serve to temporarily compromise the intellect of the person feeling it, so it makes them sound dumber at a time when they probably wish they were coming across as clever.
Dumber, but also more sure of themselves. There is a reason people usually come back half an hour later and apologize for what they did when they were angry. It does have its uses, but open communication can also preclude it. For people who don’t tend to communicate freely, anger can help them finally say something they haven’t been saying. And quite a few people seem to work that way. Finally saying the thing they haven’t been saying can lead to solutions for their problem.
But anger can also lead to some pretty dumb things, and that seems to be the more common result.
I’m also autistic and also don’t really feel anger. I feel disappointed and/or frustrated with how people act, and I can feel a complete lack of goodwill towards people (not my baseline, I generally want to help people if I can). There are certainly people who deserve negative consequences for their actions and I don’t feel any compassion for Assad, for example. I probably wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire, but I don’t feel angry with him (I might if I were Syrian and/or had more experience with the effects of his actions).
In my personal life, I don’t have any exes that I’m angry with (and I have some awful exes), it’s either confused, afraid of, pitying, neutral or positive.
Though tbh, I’m not sure if I just don’t recognize anger but do feel it. A coworker was sketchy about a tip we should have shared the other day, and I felt that it was wrong she pretended she hadn’t gotten a tip, and sad for her that she’d be deceptive about €0,65, but I wasn’t angry.
I do feel spiteful sometimes, which has got to be similar, but the only way I really express that is being extra polite to someone who’s being a dick so they feel guilty. It feels to me like I do that because I want them to be less rude in the future and I want to help induce the natural consequence of guilt that comes along with rudeness, but that could also just be my rationalizing it.
Due to events in my life, I had to go through anger management courses and therapy. When they were finished I continued Stoicism-inspired meditation. Anger almost disappeared completely from my life.
One thing I noticed only later is how I had almost abandoned all social media platforms in the meantime.
That and at some point people that I got to know primarily through social media interaction voiced the fact that my reputation in their eyes grew, although never having been necessarily angry with them.
I would say its impossible. Even you write almost never angry because zero angry is basically impossible. Im pretty sure some baby crying done is from anger along with other emotions. My pets can get angry. Even people with down syndrome get angry and they are known for a general happy loving nature. Now as far as you im sure there are all sorts of people who in their perspective almost never get angry but some will almost never more than others. I almost never show anger but oh I do get it. I also avoid it like the plague. Its one reason I just avoid all sorts of products or services. They are just more things to upset you.
No, I don’t think the feeling of anger is foreign to anyone. It’s a basic human emotion and we’re all capable of it. By my question I’m rather asking about dwelling in anger thorought the day/week rather than the acute sense of it when something anger-provoking has just happened.
When someone cuts me off in traffic I might go “You son of a…” but then I catch myself getting angry and the feeling of it just kind of vanishes. It doesn’t really withstand any sort of observation. I guess the difference here is getting angry and staying angry.
oh I think that is quite common. Anger sucks and I at least assume most people rather leave it behind. My guess is dwelling on anger for long periods might be a sign of a problem. Keep in mind though you still want to take it into account. I don’t hang with people or things that have a tendency to make me angry or activities. Which is also one of the many reasons I don’t like to drive.
Isn’t anger a masking emotion or something like that (can’t remember the term). So it’s not like a primordial emotion since it’s always rooted in another emotion.
I don’t know about that but when im angry it does not feel like any other emotion is underlying it. I have been angry along with other emotions that lead to complex things. being angry about someone doing something you thought they were better than that you care about leading to a sorta disapointing sadness or such.
Ah I remember, anger is considered a secondary emotion. So it does usually stems from underlying feelings like frustration, fear, hurt, or even sadness. It’s like a defense mechanism.
Here’s an article on it.
I feel like anger is a more raw emotion than frustration. just feels wierd to me. anger feels like the opposite of lust or something.
Definitely feel free to read up on it and see if any of the science of the model resonates better than my explanation. I barely remember the topic 😅
fair enough. thanks for the convo.
I have plans on doing further reading on the topic, so I’ll follow back if I find anything interesting on the topic!
I’m afraid the article you linked also says anger can be a primary emotion or a secondary emotion.
Is anger always a secondary emotion?
It makes sense to feel angry as a response to injustices, perceived threats, or frustrations, and anger might truly be your primary emotion in the moment. It isn’t always masking another, more vulnerable emotion. For example, if an acquaintance made an inappropriate, derogatory comment about you in front of others, you might immediately be angry that someone unjustly crossed a boundary. In this case, anger is still functioning to alert you to something getting in the way of your goal (e.g., of respect), plus it’s an immediate, instinctual response to the situation.Tbh I’m not a big fan of the article. It does not match up very well with my understanding of the emotions.
For example, Anger is a problem-solving emotion. Fear is the defensive emotion. Yet the article seems to mix up the two.For sure, feel free to find other articles from a scientific journal to find something with less discrepancy. I just picked something that seemed to be accessible. And unfortunately I don’t remember much on the topic to be of use.
Alright. Hopefully your memory comes back eventually. The idea of anger not being a primary emotion is an interesting thought I hadn’t considered before.
Totally, kind of why the idea has lingered in my brain all these years. If I do any further reading I’ll check back in. Since there were others also curious on the topic.
I’m not certain I buy that in every single case, but do buy into it for many, many cases.
It’s actually something I tried to pass on to other folks when I worked a phone customer service job - there’s cases where it’s obvious the anger is coming from somewhere else if you’re paying attention (example I had and shared was clearly fear), so told people to pay attention to exactly what folks are saying to try and elicit that, and speak/address the actual problem/emotion.
Fuck I miss that job some days…feels like the only thing I’ve done that I was really, really good at. Was also a small team with very little corpo oversight at the time, so don’t know if these approaches would fly as well today v. scripted responses.
You can work on becoming self actualized, it’s a process but it is something that can be improved.
I don’t feel anger very often (and it’s very quick to vanish) and hate is extremely hard-won, but I have C-PTSD from childhood abuse and neglect. So I’m not your average person.
Anger and hate are not the same. Anger can be a healthy emotion to signal your (personal) boundaries. Not feeling hate is admirable and I think it’s entirely possible, sure.
I’d argue that hating concepts can lead to productive societal growth, and could even lead to personal growth depending on what is hated and for what reason.
For example, I hate capitalism, corruption, greed etc., which led me to learn more about alternatives that I would have not learned about otherwise. This could also go both ways, though, since hate for the exact same things have also led people down a fascist road, as human nature makes it so that we always want an enemy to blame. Whether that enemy is the ultra-wealthy or whether it’s the common man (ex: trans people, women, immigrants, etc.) is largely dictated by the media they consume and the people they surround themselves with.
Mob mentality is alive and well, and it’s up to all of us (as non-billionaires) to focus that energy in the correct places. Billionaires are the ones who started the culture war and keep feeding it, since that distracts normal people away from themselves, since they know that if they didn’t give the masses a group to hate (the common man), that they would find their own group to hate (billiomaires).
There’s a reason Luigi has so much support even though he allegedly murdered someone.
Economic instability will always lead to resentment over something and/or someone/group.
As I get older, I am angry less often, you gain perspective with time, but have never been quick to anger - it takes awhile for me to get mad, it’s not a reflex. Like you, anxiety is closer to the surface for me. I don’t think most people are usually mad, because I know a couple of them and it’s notable and unusual.
I don’t think anyone is never angry, it’s appropriate sometimes.
The news cycle feeds on outrage, and news is not an accurate representation of the world even when it’s true and accurate news, because normal life isn’t news and doesn’t get reported on much.
I would say it’s the reverse for me. The older I am, the more I understand, the angrier I remain.
There’s a saying in therapy. If someone is sad all the time they have to learn to get mad, and if they are mad all the time they have to learn to be sad.
This is terrible advice
And what if you’re sad and mad all the time?
… Asking for a friend. Yeah… A friend. lol
Tell your friend to seek help.
There’s a saying in therapy “if you’re mad now just wait until your wife cheats on you”
No wait, that’s also just made up.
Start from the perspective that there is a huge machine out there that is monetarily driven to attract views, name whichever business sector you want, but it’s probably going to be something to do with media.
The most successful ways to get views are fear and anger.
Now couple that with people that want fake internet points, get real money, or want to drive you to a place for someone else to make money, and they’re also going to post fear and anger.
Of course this type of information incites some really strong feelings. Couple this with people doing the same with literal lies, distorted and incomplete facts, and even plain old bad spelling, all designed to drive interaction and views, and now you get an internet spammed with hate and anger.
Fear and anger sell like crazy. And everyone wanting a view or a click are posting it everywhere to drive interaction in order to profit in some way.
So I would say that yes, the take you have about this stuff being overrepresented is correct. It’s deliberately overrepresented for engagement reasons.
It’s healthy to live with a range of shifting emotions. Getting stuck in a cycle of anger, anxiety or depression may be due to not having some emotional needs met or tools to address them.
I’m kind of similar. I can’t think of the last time I got angry. I’ve never been red faced angry since maybe I was a kid.
Also don’t know anyone I would say I hate. Trump is close maybe. I’d verbally say “I hate him” but in reality he doesn’t get much real emotional rise out of me except extreme disappointment and disgust.
“Hate” seems reserved for someone I have strong emotions toward. Strong enough I might want to do something violent about it. Nobody fits that bill.
I suspect we might be talking across a deep valley with the people that have anger issues. Neither can really understand the other.
I lived without anger for almost 15 minutes today.
That’s almost a record.
