Not a parent but I read this and have my personal opinions, curious what others think about it.
Fine, but don’t get mad when I laugh at them tripping and falling.
An unintended side effect of making backyards a luxury item, public spaces a pay-to-play, and community playgrounds homeless shelters
I understand the thought process and agree to a point - kids are definitely on too tight of leashes these days.
That said, everything I read in that article tells me that the author is a fucking horrible parent and I wouldn’t want to ever be in 1000 feet of her demons.
Yes, your kids should have some freedom. No, they shouldn’t actively be bothering everyone around them every moment they’re out of the house. Teach them respect and kindness, too.
A bit hyperbolic but something I have noticed in a lot of this parenting style tips are that either the kid needs to be padded up head to toe on a leash glued to their parent 24/7 or they should be allowed run wild screaming at the top of their lungs at restaurants and museums.
There is very little in-between, unless you find the sane person in the comments. Kinda like a lot of things nowadays, sadly.
The framing of this article is all wrong. There aren’t just two choices: discipline or wild abandon. There’s times and places for both. Five pm at the colorful hippy burrito spot with dinosaur toys and a large play area, let them run free. Out at a special dinner with family bring them with, set your timer for their ability to keep it together and make adjustments as needed. If they don’t meet the standard, thats cool. Not their fault and probably not even your fault. Do a vibe check and leave if needed.
Hell, I’m all for your kid doing frog jumps down the grocery aisle, but be a sentinal and see if there’s a person in that aisle that would care. You can read the people who are delighted by the child’s exuberance and those who want nothing to do with it. I’m not a big fan of screens, but they have their time and place like on the six hour flight.
Any case, there’s only so much you can do when parenting. Creating a safe connection for them is so important and then trusting you to see them, receive them, and make the unknown a little bit safer is all a tall task.
The author admits to have let their kids, who are 2yo and 4yo roam free in restaurants to the point they have ended up in the kitchen, that right there tells you how responsible of a parent she is and how good of an approach hers is.
That’s wild lol, I’d be way too embarrassed.
Do people not have the experience of peeking into the restaurant kitchen growing up?
One year I was on an elementary school trip at this restaurant that did a little historical show along with the meal, with a lot of crowd interaction, and I got caught up in acting out my role and went into the kitchen at which point I was immediately told that was off-limits, and I never did it again.
Not the same thing as letting a 2-year-old into a kitchen though. But I definitely explored and learned what was appropriate and what wasn’t as I grew up.
Yes, I did stuff like this when I was a kid, everybody does, but no, I wasn’t actively encouraged to do so, au contraire, my parents always taught me how to behave in public and I’m grateful for it. Kids will become adults one day, if they are never taught how to behave they’ll probably end up being entitled pricks that think they can do whatever they want whenever they want.
I don’t think everybody does anymore. Some parents keep their kids so sheltered now they don’t know how to do anything independently.
I’m, honestly, surprised (and thankful) those kids weren’t kidnapped by now, due to this “parent” refusing to parent.
E: Autocorrect
I honestly think the same, there’s too many weirdos out there.
You watch too many movies
When your little brother’s hand gets snatched by some wanker at a Tesco fruit isle, while your mum is at the fish counter, and tries to take him, you can tell me I’m being irrational. Until then, you have nothing to say.
My questions to the author would be:
“what happens when your kids get hurt because they were someplace kids weren’t expected to be, or doing something they weren’t expected to be doing?” Do you, the parent, rush to their aid and castigate the adult that was near them or that was the initial cause of the physcial harm? Do you apologize to the adult instead? How about if they break things? Do you immediately open your wallet and start handing out cash or do you fall back on “they’re just kids” and let others shoulder the burden of property loss because your choices?
I saw this exact thing at the local brewery. Two kids chasing each other tripped someone carrying several glasses and both fell onto a pile of broken glass. The parents came over and started yelling at the man to watch where he was going. Others started saying it was the kids who caused the accident, and the parents backed down but clearly still thought they were right.
I fart exclusively in elevators and crowded busses. Join me!
Our 5 kids are grown, but there’s no way in hell I’d have let them run wild. When parents do that, it is one of the most annoying things about going places in public. It seems every time we go to eat someplace, a family with a gaggle of rowdy kids gets seated immediately near us.
Thank you for thinking about others, you are the sort of parent I respect.
I appreciate that. And our “not allowing our kids to run wild” thing never involved being authoritarian, either. We just tried to raise them to be respectful of others and, whaddya know? It worked! We have some very respectful and wonderful grown adult kids!
Oh course, it’s just treating others with respect, and teaching them manners. Just parenting
Don’t have to deal with this anymore, because mine are all at least tweenage.
It’s a balancing act, and sometimes running around a little is fine this day in this space, but not another day in a similar space.
I’m not going to act like I’ve never given my kids an iPad to keep them quiet for a while, but it would be refreshing to see MORE kids playing trains and Hot Wheels instead of sitting in front of a screen.
It’s much harder for the kids to create their own fun when a device just spews nonstop entertainment at then. Why use your own imagination, when there’s always someone else’s available to watch, play, listen to?
There’s a HUGE gray area between “children should be silent and invisible” and “HOW DID YOU GET ON THE ROOF OF WALMART?!?”. Neither of those extremes are good, and sometimes, as parents we learn during or afterwards that maybe this wasn’t the best place to play Hot Wheels. But a lot of the time, it’s not hurting anyone.
I worked for a while at a summer camp that didn’t allow phones, and kids loved it … if they could make it through the first two days.
Like you said, kids love being able to make their own fun, but it’s hard to compete with an iPad, and not always appropriate given the context (like if you are in a library you have to be quiet).
I definitely think kids should get more opportunities to play and make their own fun in unstructured but supervised settings – where the adults are there for safety but not telling the kids how to play.
The author’s critical approach to what is ‘polite’ is all well and good, but I have reservations about what she considers the limit.
As for the ‘doing no harm to others’, she must recognize that the harm her children do may not be readily apparent. When I’ve got a massive migrane, I don’t want to hear her kids screaming in the next booth over, but I also don’t want to have to confront her about it and risk her screaming also. Better to sit and suffer until I can’t.
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The writer of the article is treating child rearing as if it requires PhD level child psychology. It doesn’t.
A child’s behavior is almost always ok if it is safe, non-destructive, legal, and NOT OFFENSIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE SAME SPACE. It doesn’t even matter if the other people’s idea of “offensive” seems reasonable or not. If their children are bothering others, a responsible parent will either curb their behavior or take them elsewhere.
The writer apparently doesn’t understand that last part.
Yes it absolutely does matter if other people’s idea of offensive seems reasonable.
If it seems unreasonable my new game for that moment is to see how much I can offend them without breaking any laws.
Letting children run around is fine as long as they are well-behaved.
1- this is cursed
2- i dont think this belongs in asklemmy
What community would be more appropriate? I’m pretty loose with fediverse communities. I’d rather throw more content up even if it’s not the best fit just to give Lemmy more content and this post got a shitton of interaction
ive neer seen link posts on asklemmy, and its generally used for self posts. i think its probably more of a fit in a curiosity comm. this kind of controversial but kind of funny takes do well in shitposting comms too.
it did appear to have sparked some discussion here now so actually on second tought, why not keep it here.