For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.

I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

  • BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world
    61·
    2 days ago

    Because I am autistic, have been through this myself, and game recognizes game. These are classic hallmarks of ASD. I appreciate that you care, but OP clearly needs to take the first step and seek a professional diagnosis, which could change their life for the better.

    • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
      23·
      2 days ago

      These are classic hallmarks of ASD.

      Care to provide a source for that? Gift-giving and receiving is cultural and people are free to not conform.

      • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
        41·
        2 days ago

        Just running a web search for “ASD gift disappointment” gives a ton of articles, not necessarily the exact situation OP is in, but it’s enough to say that I think it’s a common thing.

        • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
          12·
          2 days ago

          It’s not an indicator of autism, full-stop. OP is not having “difficulty” conforming to culture. OP received a gift that didn’t hit the mark - their spouse is free to try again and make it a nice gift. OP can’t stealthily return it and there are likely financial considerations in addition to their personal preference of not wanting new, expensive things that directly replace appliances they are content with.

          • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
            3·
            2 days ago

            The way you say “potentially diseased” is pretty rude. That’s not how I view folks with ASD. All of this is because someone who has ASD and thought OP was going through something similar. I have ADHD. If I saw someone speaking about one of the pivotal moments that led to me getting a diagnosis I might say to them “have you considered you have ADHD?”

            • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
              11·
              2 days ago

              The way you say “potentially diseased” is pretty rude.

              What else does saying somebody’s behavior is abnormal and strongly pushing them to get professionally diagnosed really mean if not “potentially diseased”? I’m somebody who is on the spectrum too and I personally believe that autism is a normal difference, with specific qualities, and that OP’s reaction doesn’t really fit in this instance.

              • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
                3·
                2 days ago

                That’s totally fair that you don’t think it fits, but I don’t think the other user was out of line for suggesting it might.

                • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
                  21·
                  2 days ago

                  I feel that suggesting diagnosis is warranted if OP suggested that they might need the extra help and support, suspected autism themselves, or was otherwise having a difficulty commonly associated with the standard diagnostic criteria of autism e.g. OP was having sensory issues or problems.

          • BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world
            11·
            2 days ago

            Neurodiversity is not disease and I do not appreciate that implication at all. Please educate yourself on the topic before you embarrass yourself and the rest of us further. This was profoundly ignorant and hurtful.

            • Michael@slrpnk.netEnglish
              11·
              2 days ago

              I explained my position very clearly below your comment, but I do believe you are pathologizing normal behavior as being diseased or disordered, yes. I provided reasoning both in the comment you chose to respond to and in others. Feel free to understand my position before mischaracterizing it.

              • BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world
                01·
                2 days ago

                I don’t block people. But you called autism “diseased” and there is no arguing your way back from that. Being on spectrum does not absolve you of being a toxic, hateful, ignorant bigot. You are welcome to your opinions and even to disagree, but what you have done here was deliberate, despicable, and antisocial. I hope you have a good day and learn to grow and do better, but I’ve tagged you as a warning to myself and won’t be responding to you again.