Is it as many people describe? Do you have an easy or difficult time with it?
Waste of time. Now I’m 46, no kids, never married. Couldn’t be happier.
Went through a nasty breakup, hit the dating apps, had a few terrible dates and then started spending more time pursuing hobbies. Made friends through hobby groups (skiing and mountaineering in my case) and one of those friends has now been my partner for over a decade.
Shared interest groups are the way to go IMO.
That’s great advice. I’ve joined a few hobby groups, made some good friends, and uhh, enjoyed doing hobbies with friends. No romantic success, but I did get out of the house and do fun stuff.
Met my spouse on the apps buuuuuut that was like almost a decade ago at this point. It wasn’t good then. Matches (the few) had maybe a one-in-four potential for not being a scam/no-response/insta-dud. The ones that did sort of start were — likely due to the region — centered around hiking, jeeps, and bonfires at the beach. I changed my bio to say something like “I love books and hate hiking” which helped. Friends who are on the apps today though? Complete cesspit from what I understand. Always a new app, never a new culture.
Best thing about being married
Not having to date
My marriage is coming to its end, and potential dating scares me the most.
Life hack!
Extremely difficult.
I tried dating apps, but ultimately I have friends who I asked out and I got rejected.
For me the hard thing is going out and socializing. It’s just statistics; the more you go out to random places and meet new people, the more likely you are to find someone, but it drains my energy like nothing else and I also gotta gather confidence after only ever being rejected.
Turns out dating is hard, but as long as you keep being open it’ll happen at some point.
That’s basically where I sit, the emotional cost is just too great and it’s easier not to engage at all.
After 21 years of marriage and about 5 years of working on myself after divorce, I’m finally dipping my toes in the dating pool. Honestly, it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. I don’t use dating apps, as they weren’t around when I was previously single and I don’t seem them as likely being effective for me. I’m 60, but good looking and extremely fit, most people assume I’m in my mid 40s, and I do a decent job of attracting interested women in their 30s and 40s. I feel that I’d be screened out by age on dating apps and not even seen by women in my target demographic, whereas in person I do really well. Overall, reentering the dating pool has been an interesting experience. One surprising thing is that women over 40 are much more forward with me than I’m used to. They ask me if I’m single, ask for my phone number, and even proposition me point blank at times. Overall, it’s been a very positive experience for me, and I feel like I do at least as well or better than I did in my youth (which was pretty good).
I’m not quite as old as you, but you might be surprised on dating apps. I initially left the age requirements off when I first got on them and every single match I got was around 20 years old. I’ve talked to some older friends too and it’s apparently not uncommon. You can set your age requirements to whatever you want and I can almost guarantee that most of your matches will be at the low end and your age matters almost not at all. Very unexpected and I do not recommend dating someone in their 20s, but you might find that you fare a lot better than you expect.
It’s good that you are having good luck out there. I’m 50 and am trying to date again. No idea of where to go to meet people.
So. I’ve had multiple experiences. I’m poly, so some strange scenarios ahead, but as an adult here they are, in the order they started:
Met through work, and was a platonic partner of about 5 years. Ended because of housing issues, but the relationship was… Fine. She definitely had issues, but nothing worse than I had. Also the only one of these I date while being coworkers.
Next one I met through work. Only lasted 2 months, and her fiance’s girlfriend had to coach her through breaking up with me because she had a stack of cotton candy where most people have a spine.
Next one I’m still with 6 years later, almost 7. Met on a dating app, and it’s been fairly smooth since.
Next one I met through work. Been together for about 7 years as well (3 weeks after previously mentioned relationship started)
Next one I also met through work, and was a platonic partner of about 5 years. Ended because of housing issues.
Next one lasted 3 months. It ended amicably, we just weren’t great as partners.
Next major partner was the only abusive one I’ve had. Met her through a friend who I met on a dating app. Real piece of work, but I got a room mate for 3 years out of the deal so hey. Silver linings. (I kept the boyfriend in the breakup)
Next one was someone I met on a dating app. Ended it because their spouse was unsafe to be around.
Next one is the girl who coached second partner through breaking up with me. Yeah. Wild experience. I met her through the that partner, we screeched like pterodactyls at each other, and stayed friends after the breakup. We’re officially just FWBs, but… It’ll be 4 years this year, so worth mentioning regardless?
Overall it’s a fuckin’ grab bag. Dating apps are great, meeting through work goes well, and apparently helping your ex’s fiance break up with their partner because said fiance’s spinal cord was replaced with spun sugar doesn’t sour things all that much.
I’m the person who got married after finding her spouse on OK Cupid, I’m half of all the people that got a marriage cause of that site!
Honestly, if you set your standards really high, and your distance to global, it should work out.
I guess I’m the other half? 😅 (Also met my spouse on OkCupid - both as poly people, too!)
Then I’m the third half and I have a friend that makes the 5th half. I feel like okcupid’s early days was peak dating tech before the enshittification set in.
Yup, another here. Been with my wife for fourteen years, this will be our 11th wedding anniversary.
Not real great. I’ve always taken the advice to “just treat women like people,” and have had a lot of great friendships with women as a result. Then, for a few months some years ago, I decided to follow the “just be confident” advice, and forced myself to behave in ways that felt to me very transgressive and boundary-breaking. It worked stunningly well, but I just can’t keep it up. That’s not my personality, or my romantic style. I need some indication that a woman is interested in me, and pushing past her initial resistance makes me feel queasy. But, I’m not attractive enough to get those kinds of signals often, so, the single life it is.
An overall mixed experience. Its certainly worse with the rise of dating apps. The main thing I found that made it easier was learning to deal with rejection and not letting it break me every time I was turned down. Took a while to do but it does help.
My experiences with dating has been 90% lies, ghosting, gas lighting, and manipulation, so I fucking stopped. Not worth it.
Not trying to accuse. I’m generally curious. How many people did you date?
It’s a bit bleak in the apps. Lots of conversations just fizzle out because there’s no reason for anyone to commit and you really need to sell yourself. It’s best to go to the most popular apps. Had a few dates here and there, they weren’t terrible. I ended up paying for a Hinge subscription but found my gf on Tinder where I didn’t have a subscription after a few months and we’re still together a year later.
So it works it’s just bleak and capitalistic and there’s a lot of shit to filter out.
Is it as who describe?
Is it as the general masses of people describe? Is dating hard now, or is it actually easy?
I’ve never had luck dating. I’ve had heaps of luck getting together with women I’ve known for a year+ through hobbies and interest groups.
No woman ever wanted me. I don’t blame them. I’m a perpetual loser.
Had a few attempts at it myself, didn’t end very well. It’s a painful experience, and it lingers too. You usually never get texts first, and that’s simply because in order for that to happen, you gotta stand out from a huge crowd of guys. It forces you to roll the dice yourself and initiate, which is terrifying.
I rolled the dice on myself and walked away bankrupt.
It hurts bad, and for a very long too. it’s a feeling I find quite difficult to describe, like a nauseous feeling, the worst I had ever felt was before high school ended for me and I managed to bomb a perfectly fine platonic relationship. The regret afterward lingered for years and years. I had lost the confidence to attempt again.
