Can my husband find out who I am voting for in the Presidential Election?"

Olivia Dreizen Howell, the founder of a website to help women get back on their feet after a breakup or divorce, tweeted last week, “We’ve been getting this question a lot,” so she followed up with some facts. As the Washington Post confirmed with experts, the answer is simple: “No; it will be public record that you voted, but not how you filled out your ballot.”

The GOP ticket is led by a sexual predator who a jury found “‘raped’ [journalist E. Jean Carroll] as many people commonly understand the word ‘rape,’” the judge in the case wrote. His running mate, Sen. JD Vance of Ohio, has called for a national abortion ban, wrote the forward to a book that denounced contraception for making pregnancy “seem like an optional and not natural result of having sex,” and repeatedly called women who haven’t given birth “sociopathic” and “childless cat ladies.”

Meanwhile, the Democratic ticket is led by a woman who chose “Freedom” by Beyoncé as her campaign song, and has dispensed with the mealy-mouthed language about abortion rights to declare she stands for “the freedom of a woman to make decisions about her own body.” Her running mate, Gov. Tim Walz of Minnesota, her running mate, has decried “weird” MAGA Republicans of the “he-man woman haters’ club.”

  • AA5B@lemmy.world
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    30 days ago

    How is this a big question? Isn’t this common knowledge, one of the first things you learn about voting?

    • Today@lemmy.world
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      29 days ago

      Voting is not something we do everyday or for most people even every year. Sometimes Democrat and Republican primaries are held in different rooms or at different locations, So if this is your first time or that’s all you know, it’s a real question.

      • Delta_V@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        The polling places in some rural municipalities are literally Masonic lodges where they make you announce out loud to all in attendance which primary you want to vote in.

        • revelrous@sopuli.xyz
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          29 days ago

          Wait. There are places where your primary party is not public knowledge when you vote? Fuuuck. (it’s usually a fire hall, not a lodge in my experience.)

    • BenVimes@lemmy.ca
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      29 days ago

      I’ll fully admit to being completely ignorant about voting the first time I did it. I was politically disengaged for moody teenager reasons, but my parents forced me to go to the polling station anyway. I didn’t care to vote for any of the candidates, but was also worried that I would get in trouble if I spoiled my ballot because I hadn’t paid attention in civics (again, for moody teenager reasons).

  • rand_alpha19@moist.catsweat.com
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    29 days ago

    Honestly, I love that my wife is a childless cat lady. It makes everything cheaper and easier. My life is better because I don’t have kids, and I’m happy that we made that choice together as rational adults and that we were able to agree that this is the best path for us.

    Anyone who chooses to have kids based on their values and circumstances is totally cool, whatever, as long as the kids aren’t being abused or neglected, of course. That’s your option and I respect it - someone has to have 'em.

    But if you don’t think people are capable of making the choice not to have kids and that it makes them sociopaths to not have kids, I’m pretty sure you’re just an authoritarian who either hates women or has a breeding fetish. Maybe both.

    • Wrench@lemmy.world
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      29 days ago

      Cheaper? My childless catlady wife spends a fortune on our elder cats with health problems.

      I have no problem with it, that’s what I knew I was marrying. But they certainly aren’t cheap. The vets know us like we’re regulars.

      • Sc00ter@lemm.ee
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        29 days ago

        Still cheaper than if you had to pay for human health problems (in the USA at least)

      • Null User Object@programming.dev
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        29 days ago

        Have you looked at the cost of day care? And diapers? Or just having a place to live with the extra necessary bedrooms? Pre pandemic I read some article that (as I vaguely remember) estimated it costs at least $100k to raise a child to 18 in the US. I imagine it’s closer to $150k or more by now. Probably way more.

    • Icalasari@fedia.io
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      29 days ago

      Considering the sheer strain on the body pregnancy and birth have, I feel like being a mysoginist would automatically qualify one for a breeding fetish

      • WoahWoah@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        To be fair, not having children is hard on a woman’s body as well. Increased risks for uterine, ovarian, and breast cancers to name only a few.

        Patriarchal medical providers often don’t inform childless women of this and don’t encourage additional and more regular cancer screenings.

        They just ignore women’s concerns, sometimes until it’s too late–an all too familiar story for women and the history of medicine.

  • rayyy@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    “Mind your own business”. Of course some men, mostly Republican men, think they own their wives.

  • Jordan117@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    Important to note that the same is not true for political donations. Idk what the cutoff is but even relatively small amounts get reported to the FEC and make their way into various searchable public databases. Just something to keep in mind if you’re in a vulnerable situation.

  • solrize@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    And THIS is why unlimited vote by mail isn’t as great as some people think.

      • solrize@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        See the discussion? VBM means you fill in your ballot at home, while your husband potentially watches. As opposed to voting with a secret ballot in a voting booth with the curtain closed.

      • solrize@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        Because your abusive spouse/preacher/etc. can make you show your ballot, or even mark it for you.

          • Sc00ter@lemm.ee
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            29 days ago

            I think you don’t appreciate abusive and controlling relationships for how bad they can be

          • solrize@lemmy.world
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            29 days ago

            a) some states are pure vote by mail. b) if you have the option of voting at home, that exact same abuser can make you exercise it.

            I used to oppose VBM because of this. Now I see it as a trade off since there are also benefits that can outweigh the problems. But a person with their eyes open should not pretend that the problems don’t exist.

            • catloaf@lemm.ee
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              29 days ago

              Which states? I am not aware of any that are solely vote by mail.

              If you wanted to, it would be easy to screw up your ballot request. Throw it out when you get it, mess up the form, forget to sign, offer to take it to the post office and never mail it… Then it’s “oh no it never came, let’s just go vote in person”.

      • MajinBlayze@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        Just going to preface this by saying that I absolutely do support vote by mail, it’s objectively a good thing

        However, there’s a problem that should be considered in that it can create opportunities for coerced voting either within a household, or by requiring someone to send a photo of their form.

        The former being more of a problem than the later

        • rand_alpha19@moist.catsweat.com
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          29 days ago

          Where should a just and equal society draw the line, though? A person’s partner can also use Life360 (or another app) to monitor their whereabouts and prohibit them from getting a job so they can’t save up money to escape - does that mean we shouldn’t have phones or that tracking apps should be restricted?

          In a country like the US, where voting lines can literally be 8 hours long and employers don’t have to pay you while you take time during the day to vote, can you guys afford to limit mail-in voting due to extremely specific scenarios in which abuse may occur?

          It appears (from my position as someone who has not been in an abusive relationship) like we could more comprehensively tackle this issue with legislation that covers more situations that are directly coercive in nature (like your mail-in ballot being tampered with, regardless of your consent).

          At the same time, I am a bit of an idiot, so I do genuinely want to read your perspective about how you think things should be. I am almost certainly not considering every avenue here, given that I lack first-hand experience with abusive relationships and have only really heard stories from friends and family (some of whom do have first- or second-hand experience).

          • MajinBlayze@lemmy.world
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            29 days ago

            does that mean we shouldn’t have phones or that tracking apps should be restricted?

            It is not my intent to equate “x has problem y” with “x should not exist” very good systems can and do get abused and misused.

            There’s a reason I started my comment with

            Mail-in voting is objectively a good thing

            All I’m saying is that maybe there should be a way for people to go back and override their votes (which admittedly could probably also be abused in some situations), or better yet, just better social safety nets to help people get out of those situations. I’m not suggesting I have all of the answers, just acknowledging that the person at the top of the thread raises a valid, if possibly overstated, concern.

  • Admiral Patrick@dubvee.org
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    30 days ago

    The big question touching a nerve this election: “Can my husband find out who I am voting for?”

    That’s one of those questions I feel like, if you find yourself asking it, you should probably get out of that marriage. (I know easier said than done)

    • FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      29 days ago

      Honestly. As a guy who is lefty (and bi, but mostly dates women). The dating scene has been way easier these past 5 or so years.

      The political male-female divide means that right wing women, and left wing men, are far more “in demand” among heterosexual people. (queer people are majoritarily leftwing so it matters less there.)

        • d00phy@lemmy.world
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          29 days ago

          I certainly can celebrate that. I’m stuck reading his stupid book “Zero to One” for a work extracurricular. Can’t wait to discuss it with the EVP who chose it.

            • d00phy@lemmy.world
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              29 days ago

              Not really. It’s not mandatory. I generally love where I work, so I signed up for this. Didn’t know this would be book 1. If the reading selection continues at this quality level p, I’ll happily drop out and go back to reading all the Bosch universe books!

            • FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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              29 days ago

              He’s not actually living in NZ. He just bought citizenship which allowed him to buy the native and protected lands he wanted to buy (only citizens are allowed to buy them).

                • knightly the Sneptaur@pawb.social
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                  29 days ago

                  Hows the concrete industry in NZ? I imagine that sealing all those bunkers will be a priority once the rich assholes have locked themselves inside.

    • CileTheSane@lemmy.ca
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      29 days ago

      That’s one of those questions I feel like, if you find yourself asking it, you should probably get out of that marriage. (I know easier said than done)

      Why do you think Republicans want to get rid of no fault divorce?

  • nkat2112@sh.itjust.works
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    30 days ago

    Imagine how it has come down to this.

    I salute the women, minorities, and all folks who have decency and do the right thing during this and all other elections. Let’s all please be sure to vote.

  • TheDemonBuer@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    My wife is going to vote for Harris/Walz. She’s told me several times. I think I’m gonna vote for them too.

    • mipadaitu@lemmy.world
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      29 days ago

      I used to vote for the Democratic candidate.

      I still vote for the Democrats, but I used to too.

    • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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      29 days ago

      My wife wanted to sit out the election when it was Biden running over his unending support of the slaughter in Gaza, and the only thing that got her out to vote was that the were also some ballot measures which needed votes. I wrote on Cenk Uyger for the primary myself, not sure how she voted. Now we’re both super excited to vote for Harris/Walz

      Obviously we’ve got fairly similar political views

  • recklessengagement@lemmy.world
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    29 days ago

    As someone who’s worked multiple elections, your ballot is never tied to your name/ID. Even if someone broke into the box and stole the ballots, there’s no way to know whos is who.

    When ballots are audited/recounted, its based on things like the number of ballots vs the number of recorded voters, the signature of the precinct officer, and the qualities of the ballot itself. No identifying informationm.

    • Dkarma@lemmy.world
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      29 days ago

      This is not even remotely true for mail in ballots. They are returned in an envelope that has your name, address and signature on it.

      • recklessengagement@lemmy.world
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        28 days ago

        True, but once they are recieved, they’re seperated from the identifying information. It’s not stored in a database somewhere.

        The only time I’d argue this isn’t the case would be for provisional ballots, where they often will send you a letter after it gets processed.

      • andrewta@lemmy.world
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        29 days ago

        Honest question : on mail in ballots even though you name is on the envelope, doesn’t the envelope get separated from the ballot? So there is no real way to know who voted for whom? @recklessengagement@lemmy.world

        • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
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          My state mail in procedure is to send your ballot in an envelope without identifying info, and that envelope goes inside a larger envelope so they can verify you. I assume they separate it for counting later