How strict is your sexual harassment policy?
Blow job interview, you say?
How strict is your shitting on Debra’s desk policy?
Or flying into the sun?
Sounds like management material to me.
Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was “what’s the pay” and second “how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that”.
They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.
Hire me or OSHA geta notified.
That sounds like they blew the interview, not you
As you can clearly see I’m white and male. When do I start?
Congrats, Mr. President! You’ve won the election!
Honestly, this works more often than ot.
“I have AuDHD.”
That one depends on the job. Some managers will love to exploit your inclination to hyper focus on solving problems and following the rules. They won’t ask you to work unpaid after hours but if you want to they won’t protest… Doing a third of the work for a team of six people? That’s great, but your next performance review will include the criticism that you’re not as social as your coworkers because you’re too busy doing the job.
Except that it’s gambling. The jobs trigger my hyper focus, sure I’ll do in a week a project meant for a month. But inversely, I can be incapable of even thinking about a task and make no progress for weeks.
I mean, meds have made it better.
Wouldnt bother me at all, I probably work with a few undiagnosed colleagues.
The only challenge is making sure we have the right role for you.
“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”
This reminded me of:
I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.
Ok???
It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.
“I am always respectful and appropriate towards female employees, especially the hot ones.”
Sounds like something Michael Scott would say.
A few years ago I’d have said a Nazi salute.
But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview
If you’re in the US, you might get extra points for the salute.
At the very least it wouldn’t get you kicked out of an interview at Tesla
Tell them they can’t afford me
You’d be surprised the number of head hunters you’ll pique the interest of with that line.
They get me on board with the high salary, but the damage I do by not knowing how to do the job is ultimately what they cannot afford.
Hey, I could do that for more!
“I like you guys. You’re cool. All my other bosses were asshats.”
I’ve actually heard this one in an interview.
- I only push to
master - I only deploy to prod on Fridays
- I am not available on the weekends
something about your confidence… you’re hired!
Confidence coming from ignorance is human’s biggest trap.
- I only push to
Would giving a blow job blow the job interview? 🤔
You’re hired
But like, you need to do the blow job first
“Hi, I don’t want this job, I’m just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits.”
“I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?”
“I’m a single parent, so it’s hard to work overtime without notice.”
I don’t really see the issue with that one. Most of my staff have commitments outside of work that require them to take certain days off or start/finish late during parts of the year. As long as they advise these things in advance, you can just schedule around it.
Also, if you have enough work on that you need more staff, even a part-timer still reduces the total workload on everyone else.
I don’t know exactly, I’ll just be myself.
Remind me when i applied for a tech store.
“We also mandate workers to recommend extra warranty to customers that ask for advice , how do you feel about this”
“I always try to help people who come to me for advice the very best i can, i would need to see the details of this extended warranty but if i believe it would really serve the customer then of course i will recommend it”
They laughed; i did not get the job.
Always seems to work so far!
