Man, I must have missed that day in Sunday School when they taught that Jesus cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then used money from his carpentry business to have his lawyer cover it up so he wouldn’t lose credit when running for the office of Roman prefect.
They might argue Jesus had sex with a prostitute.
Tbough I imagine they would need some special type of cross to crucify Trump. I don’t think his body weight could be supported by nails through his hands or wrists.
He would immediately fall to the ground, tearing his wrists and breaking his legs.
The Roman soldiers could dip the sponges in Diet Coke, and wouldn’t need a stick to raise it to him. But it would be pretty gruesome.
They could give him one of those kids crowns you used to get from Burger King. Instead of INRI it could read IMXXL.
Then they roll him into a cave and three days later he is lifted into heaven by a Chinese spy balloon.
It’s only in John.
I have no idea why, but my first thought was it’s only in “the John”. As in it was in some ancient bathroom graffiti. Just scrawled hastily on the bathroom walls, explaining all about the son of God’s legal woes.
Funnily enough, we have learned a huge amount about first century Rome from the graffiti in Pompeii and Herculaneum.
Here’s the family-friendly stuff:
http://ancientgraffiti.org/Graffiti/
Here’s the absolutely filthy stuff:
https://kashgar.com.au/blogs/history/the-bawdy-graffiti-of-pompeii-and-herculaneu
That’s not entirely out of the realm of possibility to be honest.
The words of the prophets are written on the bathroom walls, and toilet stalls.
When did Jesus put it in John?
Nono, he did it on the john.
With his Peter.
Rock hard peter.
Don’t forget the time Jesus told his disciples that when you’re rich, women let you grab them by the pussy.
What about the time when Jesus was feeling a little threatened by John the Baptist’s popularity so he started chanting “Lock him up! Lock him up!” I believe that was during the Sermon on the Golden Stairs.
Only for John to be
relentlessly investigated by the GOPbeheaded by Herodias for no good reason.
Its really sad to see someone so absolutely full of shit that they have to unload it on the public
Is this a good time to bring up prison abolition, MTG?
I’m brining my black green deck (wanted to say orange but hey).
I go first, draw and play swamp.
Do you find brining your deck results in a moister, more flavorful game?
Will we one day get treated to the sight of MTG going down on a life-sized Trump sex doll on the stage in front of a thousand MAGats, all speaking in tongues?
You have a weird definition of “treat”
Don’t kink shame me.
Weird isn’t necessarily bad!
Nailed it.
Just like Trump, Jesus was famous for stiffing carpenters back in the day.
Modern Day Donald Trump: Doesn’t pay contractors
Historical Sexy Gay Jesus: Stiffs other carpenters
You’re falling victim to a translation error.
When I worked as operations manager in a contracting company we had an installer named Jesus. He was a young guy, illegal immigrant trying to support his family back home.
I was gonna tell a funny anecdote about how he smoked a joint on lunch break and ended up installing a door backwards and trapped an old lady in her house, but then I remembered that my boss would hire illegals like him because he could get away with paying them far below minimum wage and fire them for any passing mood he had, he delighted in punishing struggling people and didn’t view them as human. I, the only white guy working with them and I started there counting screws and doing all the same shit work they did, learned a lot of really funny or vulgar spanish, I got to know them all as people and made friends and I wonder even nearly 20 years later what happened to some of them.
Jesus was deported when my boss called a “tip” into immigration services because he thought Jesus was lazy. Jesus was 19, it was not only his first job, it was his first job in a foreign country surrounded by people he doesn’t know, living alone, no education or legal protection. He needed help, not cruelty.
So yeah, when people say “Jesus was treated unfairly” I always nod in agreement.
Bet your boss was a raging “Christian”.
I came into this thread thinking, “huh, I thought MTG liked Trump”. It literally didn’t occur to me that she wasn’t making fun of him. How can you possibly call Trump a convicted felon, compare him to the perfect son of God, and still think you’re a serious person? It’s insane
She’s an enemy agent provocateur stirring division and hate at the behest of her Moscow Master, that’s how.
I was just wondering how a card game had an opinion at all 😅
Haha yeah, I automatically tried to write her name as MtG first time around
Might I suggest “EmptyG” to avoid future confusion?
Genius.
Agreed, but the credit is due elsewhere.
gestures to the wider internet
…somewhere.
Just one objection: Jesus wasn’t perfect, that was kinda a big part of him being born human. He had doubts and, iirc, made mistakes, even according to the bible.
Your knowledge of the Bible is different to mine. I was taught that Jesus lived a perfect life then died as a sacrifice, in exchange for the perfect life that Adam squandered. (Eve doesn’t count because she’s a woman, or something)
EDIT: either way, it’s not something I believe to be true any more
Nope, then there wouldn’t have been a point to being born human
You know, comparing people to God is basically blasphemy already. Not that I trust people who genuinely support Trump to understand anything about their own religion - or anything really.
Of all the possible similarities to biblical Jesus that one could pick, that is definitely one.
For Trump? That’s pretty much the only one.
To be fair, Trump also hangs out with prostitutes. The difference there is how the prostitutes were treated.
He does have a lot in common with Paul though. Asshole, telling people what to do while not giving a shit what Jesus said, hating homosexuals, and telling people how pious he is. Oh, and Republicans also care more about what he has to say than what Jesus said.
Both were involved in a political spat in the Levant.
Remember when Jesus came for Mary Magdalena? They went to make miracles after he came for her. Just like Trump. Trump tried to come for Stormy but he couldn’t come. There was a delay. But hey he was naked and such. He was pretty much there, almost as if he came.
I’m surprised she didn’t extend that to, “and both were persecuted by Jews!”
That would be a great counterexample to the anti-zionism == anti-semitism law. Zionist and anti-semitic 🔥🤯
Zionism has always been antisemitic.
“All Jews should move to Israel” is absolutely part-and-parcel with ethnic-nationalism common to both MTG and Donald Trump.
Yeah, antisemitic jackasses can’t handle having a neighbor holding a mitzvah. Fuck that shit American Jews are Americans and belong here just as much as the rest of us.
As a Jew who does not support Israel’s apartheid or genocide (I’m not even particularly interested in visiting apart from the archaeology) and does not believe in any sort of ethnostate, I consider myself a better counterexample.
Do you even exist? 🧐 May I see some identification please? Anything to prove you’re a real jew?
/heavysarcasm-nonemeantforreal
“Papers, please.”
Oof
Sigh, one of these days we’ll place the blame where it really belongs. On the Italians. Who told people to blame the Jews for Jesus? That’s right the Roman Catholic Church.
It’s not like we’re going to start coming to agreement that religious leaders are prone to corruption regardless of what religion it is, and that this is especially true in tumultuous times and places like Roman Judea in the early Julian Dynasty.
Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them? It was like his main thing or whatever. She’s right. No wonder they worship Donnie.
Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them?
Famously tricked an entire wedding party into thinking a jug of water was delicious wine. Pushed quack medicine to “resurrect” fellow con-man Lazarus of Bethany and treat mental illness by herding a pack of 30-50 wild hogs off a cliff. Trashed an entire temple to clear a bad loan to some money changers. Pretended to get crucified and then slipped off three days later, after his buddy Judas Iscariot had absconded with 30 pieces of silver.
“Don’t worry guys! I’ll be back any day now!” Hasn’t been seen in over 2000 years.
I could buy this
Check out a book called, The Passover Plot. I read it this year and loved it. The author posits that Jesus was extremely clever in engineering his role as the messiah and it all went wrong when he was stabbed by a Roman centurion. Very good read.
Jesus Carlos was a great man. Nice beard but great man.
OK, just crucify Trump, and look what happens (or not) on the third day…
Most people shit themselves when they die, but Trump comes pre-shitted apparently. So that diaper gonna be FILLED.