If she says she’s on birth control but you haven’t seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don’t consent.
Don’t marry someone before you’ve known them well for a few years. Don’t ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.
If your partner doesn’t treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won’t change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.
Do learn what “love bombing” is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.
There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.
Not everyone is awful.
Edit to add: don’t ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don’t have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don’t stand out to you when you’re wearing rosy tinted glasses.
red flags don’t stand out to you when you’re wearing rosy tinted glasses.
Nice!
Learned this the hard way.
If you are in that situation, get out.
Put your money where you spend your time. Don’t spend money on something if you won’t be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don’t limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
I invested in an Areon chair and have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made. I work as a software engineer, and also game in my spare time. So sitting around is a lot of what I do unfortunately.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
Could i ask you which keyboard did you buy? I’m thinking of taking one myself
Kinesis advantage 2. It’s weird to type on to begin with but it was worth it for me.
Thank you
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I’ll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
Good shoes are important. Protect your feet, knees, and back. You’ll thank yourself for it one day.
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like… why? And you seem so proud of it too…
Ah, you should check out Terry Pratchett. One of his characters in his discworld series had a good theory on this
If you can find a consignment store for used outdoor gear, many hiking shoes are strurdy.
Get low-tops unless you want knee problems down the line.
Learn to pad the insoles with foam so you can make them just for you, and easily alter them if things change.
Tape is fine if you don’t use them all the time, but at least buy some superglue and repair them correctly.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there’s nothing like good quality shoes.
I like to measure costs in dollars per hour, similar to this. So what if that hobby item is 400 dollars. How many hundreds of hours will you get enjoying it? So like, a dollar an hour.
A movie you don’t care about seeing? 20 dollars for 2 hours. Maybe hold off.
Agreed and agreed. But an addendum regarding mattresses: No matter what the salespeople tell you, most mattresses with pocketed coil springs are pretty much the same apart from hardness, especially with a compensating mattress topper. Just get one that feels right to you, definitely don’t think that more expensive=better, mattress-wise.
More money advice: Most things come in two tiers worth purchasing: “nice” and “wow”.
“Nice” are the things experts deem good enough, or clothes-wise ones that you can see yourself actually wearing across multiple years, both durability- and appearance-wise. Affordable, and you like them. A useable placeholder, if you will.
“Wow” are the things that you’ve been steadily dreaming of for years, or ones that catch your eye even if you weren’t looking. “Buy it for life” stuff. Solid whole wood furniture, that teapot or coffee maker you’ve been dreaming of. A designer winter coat that only costs 20 times your old one. 🫣 On these you look at the price tag after; you want it, you get it, and if it breaks, you repair it. If it’s affordable, or if you find more than one of these every 1-3 years, consider yourself very lucky.
Nothing below “nice” is worth getting, and very few things between “nice” and “wow” are worth getting.
Yep, learned this the hard way.
- I ordered a 10€ “Skmei” watch from Aliexpress and it died in a year. My cousin buys ~30€ casio watches and they last at least 5 years of abuse.
- Cheap Redmi phones have half the processing power of a top end midranger and will not decently survive years of planned obsolescence. I only have a Redmi (4x from their decent times) because I got it for free from my dad. It’s a decent phone, but performance is terrible so they aren’t worth paying for from the longevity standpoint, but if you need a temporary phone they are decent.
If you have to force it, you’re going to break it.
Or in my case, tear it.
Was it your butthole?
Not really the case if you are trying to open phones nowadays… 🙃
Ouche…
Does not apply to stuck jars, ofc
Although there is usually a better way then just muscling it
One time I couldn’t get a jar of jelly open so I smashed it. There are definitely better ways.
Investing even relatively small amounts of money monthly or weekly into an indexed mutual fund or similar at a young age should result in substantial growth and returns over 30 years or so.
into an indexed mutual fund or similar
Financially speaking, yes, absolutely. It’s “easy” and rather low risk. Yet… being on Lemmy I assume a lot of people reading this advice do care both about technology and privacy. Such funds often support, rationally, “winners” which right now would include e.g Meta, Microsoft, Google, etc. They could also include big banks with questionable practices, e.g HSBC, or “energy” company that basically stick to oil. This kind of companies might be at odd with what people want to support. I would thus suggest to check “how the sausage is made” by understanding which stocks are actually part of the fund.
Do not allow humans to pick your stocks. I recommend ETF index funds as opposed to Mutual funds. Mutual funds, or any fund that is controlled by humans, could morph into something else, i.e., whatever gets them the highest return. In an extreme example, you could buy a Green mutual fund only to find out later that it shifted a lot of its investments to fossil fuel companies. Index Funds pick a sector and follow it brainlessly. No broker or manager f#ckery.
Yeah, I can’t argue with that. I try to avoid funds that have significant investment in weapons manufacturers. If a person’s needs require a minimum level social and/or environmental awareness, there are tools in the Fidelity research system that show that kind of thing. This may be limited to specific stocks and not funds though. I can only speak about Fidelity since that is my only point of experience.
Maybe a company making greener solutions like electric cars could be a safer bet?
looks at tesla stock
Oh shit
If it weren’t for Musk, yeah, Tesla would be a great bet. Unfortunately, he’s made everything he touches radioactive, and a company that should be selling huge numbers are seeing sales cool because people don’t want to buy a product sold by Musk.
I don’t even know what that is
It might be helpful to your long term financial health to find out what that is.
Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won’t judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.
It doesn’t have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.
I like everything except that last part. DO MAINTENANCE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE. Not enough people maintain relationships
Don’t grow up super religious and become a conservative operative on Capitol Hill for 7 years. Just trust me, it’s not as good as it sounds.
I think a lot of people might be interested in your story right now.
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect” you’re probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. That’s a disservice to everyone involved.
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don’t even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
I’ve heard a ‘crush’ being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
In my case:
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect”, you’re probably falling in love with someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness and is very good at pretending to be the person she thinks you want her to be, for a while.
She will spend the next 6 years making your life very, very miserable.
Also, if your parents were abusive, be deeply skeptical of “love at first sight”.
The most amazing connection I ever had with a partner led to the worst abuse I’ve ever experienced.
If you are a teenager and you currently feel like you have failed at being a man/woman/heterosexual/whatever, then there is a 79.8% chance you are some form of LGBTQ. Stop beating yourself up and start exploring instead. You’ll be happy you did.
You could also be autistic and have the same experience like me or even both
Me too actually
Or you could just be comparing yourself to the unreasonably high standards set by archaic cultural norms.
Basically if you’re a teenager and think you’re failing at life: No, you aren’t, just give yourself some more time to figure things out.
Exactly, just because your parents or grandparents were married and had good jobs at 18 and bought a house with cash at 20 while having their 3rd child. That’s not normal anymore. Do your best with what you have, and repeat to yourself “I’m not responsible for the economy. Things don’t work the same way they did 20 or 40 years ago.”
Isn’t ‘failing at life’ the normal teenage feeling? It sucks, but it will pass.
Also works
Citation on that? I’m sure it’s possible, but weirdly-specific percentages with no citation make me suspicious.
In in my, it was just a lot of factors of upbringing and had really weird ideals and probably a dash of neurodivergence that combined to give me this feeling. Getting out of the environment I was in, getting some mental help, etc. solved that for me.
The percentage is just a quirky way of saying it’s a high chance, dw about it.
I’m not feeling that I have failed but that the whole model of gender and sexually are flawed. So, in my opinion, society has failed me.
honestly, as a 30 yo cishet man, fuck gender and sexuality. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy
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Hey you’re like seven steps ahead of me.
I only entered the phase of hating society instead of myself when I was like twenty-three.
Important note: just because at some point you felt attraction to people of opposite sex, doesn’t automatically disqualify you from LGBTQ
The opposite is also true. Just relax and like who you like. Sexuality is a spectrum. Just don’t worry about it and didn’t stress about who you’re attracted to.
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I’ve spent too much money on “stuff”. It’s just “stuff”. Experiences last longer.
Get a dashcam. It’s worth your whole car and everything in it.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Personally, I like to plant gardens that help out natural pollinators in order to change the bees that I want to see in the world.
Don’t get entangled in interpersonal drama among the people you know. If someone comes to you with some petty bullshit about someone else, and you weren’t there, don’t take their word for it, don’t repeat their story.
If you’re being hailed as a hero in the US and you aren’t a politician…
Run. Do not walk away, run. Society is absolving itself of caring for you after the inevitable sacrifice of your health and/or sanity.
Pick something to get good at, then really work to get really good at it. The younger the better. But be focused. Ideally something you can make money with.
IMHO that’s a surefire way to burnout and self-doubts later on. My advice would almost be the opposite.
Never too late to change if what you’re doing isn’t working for you. Recognize when you’re about to kill your passion with expectations, and don’t do it. There is little to no cross-disciplinary knowledge that doesn’t come in useful, so don’t force yourself to be single-minded in your pursuits. What you’re learning matters surprisingly little, that you’re learning matters so much more.
But yea, don’t change major pursuits, like, every year. Probably depends on the person which advice they need. I definitely would have needed the latter.
Never send an email or text that could get you in trouble later.
Also. Never take pictures that could get you in trouble. Even if they’ll only ever be on your phone. Nothing of questionable legality. No nudity. No behavior that could cost a job 15 years later.
Goes well with “you have 2 ears and 1 mouth cause you’re expected to listen more then talk”
Or my favorite that I learned from an impromptu mentor: when unsure what to say, shut your mouth and hold your stare until they start talking again. You can put a thinking stare, defying stare, unsure stare, doesn’t matter, while you’re not giving away your position they’re giving away theirs simply because they’re uncomfortable with the silence.
