I love to make really bad similes/metaphors like “I have the memory of a fish with very poor memory” or “I’m as tall as a tree thats my height”.
You must log in or register to comment.
Bearded guy, so: “[insert any small talk compliment about my beard here]” “Thanks, it’s been growing on me.”
I tend to reply “Thank, I grew it myself”
“thanks, it has pockets!”
And then I pull out the m&ms I’ve been hiding in the.
Why are pirates pirates?
Because they arrrrr!
Yarr, what be a pirate’s favourite letter?
His first love be the C
I can sea why yar be thinkin’ that, but it be the letter arrrr.
Works better when spoken but just say this in your head really fast
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joketiming.
What is white and interrupts your breakfast? An Avalanche
What do you call a fly with legs? A walk.
Two men are lost in the desert weak from thirst and starvation. One of them spots something and says Hey man, there is a bacon tree over there! The second many says “no such a thing as a bacon tree, that’s just a mirage”, but the first is already running toward the tree. Just then, a hidden soldier under the tree shoots the first man with a machine gun. As he lay dying, he shouts to warn his friend: “it’s not a bacon tree, it’s a ham bush”.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks. The first blonde says, “oh look, deer tracks”. The second one says, “no, those a bear tracks”. The third one says, “you’re both wrong, those are moose tracks!” Then they get hit by a train.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What’s Brown and runny?
Usain Bolt.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Lol if only it was that simple. No the answer is red blue paint.
“Your mom” as a comeback. It even works as a non-sequitor.
Why do Native American hate snow? Because it’s white and on their land.
Why did the short-sighted man fall in the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
“Not the sharpest bulb in the tree”
“I’m hungry.”
“Hi hungry, I’m dad”
I do it almost every time and my daughter hates it.
